Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Diary. Show all posts

Journal Entry: April 27th, 2016 - On Being

Tim Ferriss said in a podcast that i listened to today (link here) that instead of trying to find our "true calling" we instead have to let it find us.  

We don't take the time to pause and reflect.  We don't meditate.  We don't let the stillness and quiet come.  This is when breakthroughs happen.  Opportunities to become our true selves are all around us.  We simply aren't aware.  We're not looking for the opportunities.  

We're so caught up with the day to day bullshit that we don't give ourselves the freedom that we desire. 

Freedom...from thoughts.  From to-do lists.  We have to allow ourselves to just stop and be.  

Stop trying to force things to happen.  Stop trying so hard to find it.  

Let it come to me.  Be open.  Be aware.  Look for opportunities.  Don't be passive.  Be active.  Be in the moment.  

Move away from instant gratification and be willing to put in the work required.  

Nothing is given and nobody owes me anything.  I have to make it for myself.  

I have to deserve it, as well.  I know i often focus on the people who seemingly have it all and didn't earn it.  No names need to be named.  But i have to refocus that energy on positive thoughts.  I can choose my thoughts.  Are the majority positive or negative?  

What do i talk about?  Am I optimistic and happy or pessimistic and negative?  

We are what we think about.  More like, we are what we think about and are able to follow through with.  Thoughts are things.  And things are real.  

Continuous improvement.  Kaizen.  Implement Kaizen in my own life.  Find those blockages in my personal life and take measures to improve upon them.  

I know that i'm not like an assembly line, but the underlying theme of Kaizen still stands.  Find the problems, fix them.  Improve improve improve.  

Work toward something higher than myself.  Fuck me.  Fuck my ego.  Why can't i detach and live for the sake of existing as opposed to trying to fulfill my own wants and needs?  

I think like a Democrat but act like a Republican.

I'm not Jesus-like.  That dude had it right.  He was willing to give his life for other people.  
Jesus was able to rid himself of his ego.  There's nothing more egoless than dying for the sins of other people.  Well, I guess he was killed because he was a religious extremist.  Everybody was a Jew and he was preaching this other shit.  The Jews were like, "Nah, Son!" tracked him down and stuck him on a cross.

Apparently nailing people to crosses was sort of common thing back in the day.  We were some barbarians.  Hard as fuck.  

We're soft now.  But soft for the better.  We're able to understand the oneness and how cooperation is better than competition.  A rising tide raises all ships.  We must work together to raise the tide.  Everybody must do their part. 

Lose the ego.  Be Jesus-like. 

Journal Entry: April 18th, 2016 - On Mortality

I know that my time on this earth is limited. 

I know that everyone must die.

I should use that as motivation to take advantage of each moment. To appreciate the "small" things. 

On second thought, nothing is small, we just ignore the things that really matter. We get distracted. 

Entire industries are dedicated toward telling us how to live. what to buy. who to be. 

But that's why the contemplation of death is so important.  When we understand that our time here is so short, that other stuff won't matter. 

What should matter is getting the most out of your life and being the best person you can be. We are all unique, so my best person isn't going to be the same as your best person.

Regardless, we should each try to strive toward becoming our best (or highest) selves. If each of us lived in alignment with our highest selves, the world would be a better place.

Journal Entry: April 8th, 2016 - Misc Rant

Don't get angry at the people you don't want to be like.  I don't look up to evil, greedy fucks.  I trust that karma will take care of them.  

Karma and faith.  Real or just a way to subdue the masses?

I wish that somebody smarter than me could explain that.  I want to believe that karma exists and that evil people will be punished, but if i'm being fleeced i'm going to be pissed.  There's not much of a worse feeling than being betrayed by somebody that you trusted.

I tend to assume that people are hard-wired to act with the Golden Rule in mind, but there's too much shit that i see going on around me that tells me otherwise.  Suicide bombers, for example.  Sociopaths.  People who do more harm than good.  People who are more interested in personal gain.  These people are lost.  I can help them get back on track but don't prefer to be used and abused in the process.  

And my life is easy compared to many, many, many people.  If i had to guess, i'd probably be in the top 97% of all humans on the planet in terms of "comfort."

I'm a white, straight male in America.  I have a Bachelor's degree.  I don't have any visible tattoos.  

I'm where it's at in terms of opportunity.  

However, it's not okay.  I choose not to take that advantage.  I prefer an even playing field.  Equal opportunity.  

If there MUST be winners and losers, i'd rather flip the script.  Make the 99% well off and the 1% struggling for survival.  The exact opposite of where we're at now.  At current, there are like 50 people in the world who own the same amount of wealth as the bottom half.  This is downright disturbing.  How can so few hoard so much?  And why are these people idolized?  We should be knocking down their walls and demanding our fair share.

Nature is based on balance.  

I wonder how animals would act if one in their tribe was hoarding everything.  Would they revolt?  Would six others gang up on the one and take him down?

That'd be an interesting experiment.  however, i do not condone the use of animals in experiments.  they are not here for our gain. 

Abrupt ending, but that's what i got for today. 

Journal Entry: April 3rd, 2016 - Blame

Today i want to talk about blame. People, including myself, like to blame everything but themselves for things that go wrong in their life. Amazingly, these are often the same people who don't want to give anybody else credit for their successes when they happen. They are fully responsible when things go right -- but they look to blame anybody or anything else when things go wrong. Perhaps a virtuous person would be the opposite. Taking blame for things when they go wrong and looking at everybody else when things go right.
I'm no longer going to blame other people -- nor am I going to allow other people to blame me. I'm going to do what i'm supposed to do and if i do that then i'm not worried about being blamed.
When people blame other people or things, they likely just didn't do enough background work. They didn't plan or prepare for that outcome, so when it happened they felt powerless. And since they felt powerless -- they feel as though is was out of their control. (not their fault) However, all of those possible scenarios need to be thought of and steps taken to mitigate the risk of them happening. There is always going to be the unexpected -- but the more we plan and prepare the less things will catch us off guard.
For example, if you're trying to be strict about your diet and something comes up at work and you didn't get to go to lunch as expected -- you'll still have a healthy option at your desk. Instead of telling yourself you'll pack your lunch in the morning before work -- pack it when you're putting away dinner the night before.
When event Z happens, go back and look at Y, X, and W to figure out what could've prevented it. In many cases, there will always be something that you, personally, could've done.
Be radically proactive. Insanely proactive. Set myself up to succeed in 65 years.
Jocko Willink said something along the lines of, when your boss thinks of something, report it already done because you'd already planned for that, thought of it, and accomplished it before he even thought about it. "Done, sir!"
But i'm not really talking about be beholden to somebody else. This is more for my personal life -- but the essence remains. Pro-activity over re-activity.

Journal Entry: April 2nd, 2016 - Personal Development

Chip away in small pieces.  For it's the repeated tapping of the sculptor's hammer that eventually brings out the beauty.  I can think of each of these areas as 6 huge pieces of stone. (mind,body, assets, relationships, karma, soul)  Each day is another opportunity to take a small tap.  You would never see a sculptor taking huge strikes with his chisel -- the whole thing would crumble.

Minimally, make the smallest amount of progress possible in each category on a daily basis.

Mind.  This could include writing, reading, watching educational documentaries, taking classes, learning, teaching, etc.

Body can include yoga, stretching, lifting weights, running, cardio, playing sports, walking the dog, and even doing meal preparation.  Diet is 90% of the problem/solution.

Assets are things that have the potential to earn money.  This includes typical employment but also things like investing and finding other random ways to make money.

Relationships are about the other people in my life that are important.  My fiance and our dog.  My family.  My friends.  My coworkers.  Other people i interact with regularly.  I need to make sure that i'm paying attention to this area and trying to create as much value for these people as possible.  Life is about giving.  It's about other people.  Nobody exists on their own.

Karma is how ago about my day to day life.  It's about seeking opportunities to help people.  Does the driver in the car behind me look like he's in a hurry?  Move over and let him pass.  See somebody with a handful of boxes walking toward a door?  Go out of my way to open the door.  Trash can half full?  Leave it for another week so the garbage man doesn't have to stop at my house.  


Soul.  Soul is the arguably the most important.  Although the system works better as a whole.  Anyways, soul is about discovering the essence of my being.  It's about getting back to who i was meant to be before i grew up and forgot.  Soul is meditation.  Soul is not getting angry when somebody cuts me off in the highway.  Soul is the ability to take a step back and see myself from a third-person point of view.  Soul is understanding the vastness of the universe and how unimportant i really am.  Soul is being comfortable knowing that fact but still being the best person possible despite it. 

Journal Entry: March 23rd, 2016 - Sarifice

I have a story to tell.  We all do.  Since we're shaped by our experiences, no two of us are exactly alike.  Even identical twins aren't the same.  We have to appreciate each other's differences instead of breaking each other down by them.

Come from a place of love instead of a place of fear.  Fear breeds hate.  

We have nothing to fear.  Especially when it comes to other people.  

Everybody is just a different degree of broken.  

Heal one another.

This concept isn't very difficult.  It starts with my actions.  I have to lead by example.  If I'm coming from a place of love then it will be apparent to those around me. 

My actions must reflect love.  I get on Facebook and scroll through my newsfeed and see a bunch of hate.  I want to fight back.  Instead, i can't let it get my worked up.  If that person is interested in a genuine conversation then I'll entertain that.  However, most aren't.  I'm not going to change their minds by arguing facts and opinions.

The best way is to show people how living the way that i do is simply a better way to live.  
How are my actions being interpreted?  Am I coming from a place of patience, love, and acceptance?

If i'm not then it's everybody's best interest that i change my ways.  

The highest good or the ego?  The highest good is the obvious answer.  But ego tries to dominate.  It's in our nature to want to take care of ourselves.  To be selfish.  However, we have to have the wisdom to realize our insufficiency and be willing to sacrifice.  

Good parents understand this.  They sacrifice for their children.  They understand what it means to live for something/somebody other than yourself.

We must take this feeling of responsibility and extend it to everyone -- not just our children.  Everybody deserves this treatment.  

One day, I will be old and weak.  I may have to rely on the kindness of others.  Therefore, i must pay it forward.  

Nobody can make it on their own.  Receive thankfully, don't take greedily.  

Realize that we wouldn't be here today if it weren't for other people.  I'm typing on a computer that somebody else made on a website that somebody else made.  Somebody had to drive the computer to the store in order for me to purchase it.  At the store, somebody sold it to me.  

I can't create a fuckin' computer, or perform surgery, or fix my car.  I need other people to do that.  Other people allow me to have the quality of life that i enjoy.

What am i doing to improve the quality of life of others?    

That's the most important thing.  Only by taking care of others can i fulfill myself.  Without others i am not whole.  I wouldn't want to live on this planet alone.  It's everything else that makes it special.  Appreciate those things.  

Come from a place of love, not from a place of fear.  

Be the change.  It starts with me.  If my outer world is turmoil it's most likely a reflection of my inner self.  The Dalai Lama doesn't get bogged down with the details of whether or not the world is ruled by a limited number of elites.

That simply doesn't worry him. 

What you focus on is your reality.  Are you focusing on abundance or scarcity?  Competition or cooperation?  Fear or love?

It's a choice.

We just have to train ourselves to recognize that fact.  Once we ingrain it in our memories it becomes second nature and no longer takes up so much mental capacity.  But we have to be willing.  

Willing to improve ourselves first.  When we focus on personal development, the external shit isn't as important anymore.

Journal Entry: March 16th, 2016 - Overcome

We all have the same 24 hours in a day.  It's what we do with those 24 hours that separates us.  

I haven't played PlayStation in a while and i don't really miss it.  There's a time and place for it but it's not definitely not every day.  It's an instant gratification type of thing.  I get a sense of victory (or defeat) instantly.  And I can always restart if shit isn't going my way.  
Life isn't a video game, though.  Or maybe it is -- but we don't get to hit restart and we only have one life.  

Maybe I should treat life more like a game.  Ultimately, in many games -- the idea is that you start out with a character and then develop as fully as possible that character in the time allotted.  That's what life is.  Trying to develop as fully as possible in the time allotted.

Why and when do we lose sight of that?  Eventually, the doldrums of the world take over and we get stuck in a routine.  Forgetting who we are and what our purpose is.

But we have to get back to our ikigai.  It's the only true path.  

Does this activity get me closer to becoming my true self or does it take me further away?  That should be the basis of all decision making.  

It's really that simple.  But simple isn't easy.  And human beings like easy.  It's probably against our nature to develop ourselves -- yet it's the only way.  People prefer comfort but comfort doesn't lead to fulfillment.  

Fulfillment comes from hard work and conscious effort.  Day in and day out.  With no promise that we'll ever actually self-actualize.  But we have to trust the process and get as far as we can.  

I've read that each person is born with at least one "obstacle" to overcome.  I like to point to the 7 Deadly Sins as an example.  You're born wit, say, "gluttony."  If you're able to overcome this, your life becomes easy.  If you fail to master that which you were born to overcome you eventually die.  In your next life, not only will you have to overcome "gluttony" but now you also have to overcome "lust."  If you are able to overcome both, your life will become easy.  If not, you start over with even more burdens.

Examine our obstacles and take strides to overcome.  It may be painful to admit our weaknesses, but only by acknowledging them are we are able to move past.

Personal development needs to be the goal of every individual.  No matter our external circumstances we can always improve ourselves.  Don't let the world get in the way of self-actualization.  Better yourself -- better the world.  But we must work on ourselves first.  It's the only way.  It starts at home.

Journal Entry: March 13th, 2016 - Ikigai

I often write on a site called 750Words.com.  It's a journaling site where one is tasked with writing at least 750 words each day.  While I don't write every day, I write often.  I decided that I'm going to start sharing some of the entries here.  Although those are written for myself, and aren't necessarily to be shared -- I hope that you'll be able to get some valuable information out of it.  Here's what I wrote on March 14th:
There must be a focus on developing myself during the week outside of normal working hours. I want to set myself up to have no plans on the weekend. If i work hard enough during the week, i shouldn't have to spend the whole weekend doing chores and running errands. I have to find freedom for myself. To be able to do that which i want to do and not feel bad about it.
I just can't get behind doing something I'm not that interested in for 40+ hours each week. The only way to escape it is to work my ass off outside of typical employment and figure out how to benefit people in a way that's meaningful to me and that those people are willing to pay for.
I have to be comfortable in the fact that I'll never fully escape the system -- for I am a part of the system. However, I can do my best to stay as far away from the mainstream as possible.
My goals are not obvious. My reason for being is not obvious. This creates a real struggle. Even when I try to write down goals -- they're usually something that i feel like i should be doing as opposed to being the things that i actually want to do.
I want to get out of debt -- but i don't want to stop spending or get a part-time job.
I want to get fit -- but i want to eat bad food and drink alcohol.
I like the idea of discipline -- but i don't like doing things that i don't want to do.
I'm a walking contradiction.
Anyways, what i think i want and my actions are not in alignment.
But what does that mean? Supposedly, anything is capable -- but you have to want it bad enough.
I don't know what i want bad enough. I don't really want anything bad enough. Freedom -- but i'm not doing what it takes to find it. So i mustn't want it bad enough.
The ability to dictate how my day is spent. That's what it boils down to. That's my everything.
How can i make this happen? Income seems to the be the obvious biggest issue. If I had the funds, i'd have the ability. Cutting expenses has a limit -- earning money doesn't. I can only cut things so far. But the world is one of abundance. I just have to find my ikigai and go all in. Everybody has their own unique reason for being but many of us never figure out what it is.
It's our responsibility, though, to figure it out. That's what we're here for. To figure out and to fully embrace our reason for being.
Nothing else matters. When our reason for being is discovered and we live fully in alignment with that reason -- everything will then fall into place. The money will come. Relationships will improve. We become attractive.
What does it take to figure out my purpose? It starts with being able to sit and think about it. Meditate. Also, by doing a bunch of different things and exposing myself to as much as possible. I obviously don't know what my purpose is now so the more shit i'm willing to do the more likely i am to stumble upon something that i can appreciate.
Subtraction is also an integral part of the equation. What can i do less of in order to do more of the things that matter? Alcohol is something that needs to be more of a spontaneous activity than an every day occurrence. I can't be at my best under the influence. Examine trade-offs and focus on what's important. Don't get caught up in things that provide instant gratification. Instant gratification does not lead to fulfillment. It's a trap.