Being a man is a way of life; it's about everyday choices that lead you to live toward your potential.
The self is a fancy word for answering the question, Who are you? And the answer is created through action.
You will be doing only what feels good and easy in the moment, and that is my definition of a boy. Not a man.
I lived most of my life with a "to-me" mindset. Something happened to me. She dumped me. He took something from me. Life did something to me. Or nothing happened to me. When something happens to you, you're in victim mode -- the most powerless state.
You are a conduit, and something greater than you is working through you to project your unique gifts into the world.
When I play back my life, my douchery was the most prevalent when I felt the most insecure. Being a douche is like turning on a black light that exposes your insecurities.
Truly confident people don't need to prove anything. They focus on giving their value instead of announcing it.
What if you didn't feel the need to prove anything? What would that look like in your everyday life? How would that change your dialogue, behavior, attitude and energy?
Focus less on outcomes. Instead, focus on the process. When we put all our chips on what we need to achieve, our ego is on the line. Because we tie our worth (ego) to our ability. We believe that if we don't accomplish -- close the deal, land the raise, get the girl, win the race -- we are diminished, "less than."
If you allow your purpose, the greater good, to be your true north, you will be less concerned about your problems and fears and more concerned about the kind of dent you can make. Always hang your purpose above your passion and your ego will fall in line, be checked. Your purpose not just in your work, but also as a father, brother, husband, and friend.
As men we have a responsibility for our own happiness. Whining and complaining only make a bad or difficult situation worse.
We must realize that our differences aren't what's lacking in us but rather are what makes us valuable.
Life is not about waiting. It's about seeking, discovering, learning, growing, and in this process producing joy. Because happy doesn't fall into our laps. We must produce it.
Seek joy, always, in everything you do. It doesn't matter if you're doing the dishes, going on a date, or building an empire; this mindset will allow you to be open and aware, to unlock yourself so that you can unleash your gifts. The world needs you. You were meant to change it.
[On meditation] You just have to sit still and focus on your breath for fifteen minutes a day. But every... single... day. You must commit to it. Make it a priority. Because there's something at stake. The person you could be.
The best way to practice mindfulness is to hang it on an activity. When you're eating, don't inhale your food. Instead, chew slowly. Take in the taste, texture, color, smell -- use all your senses. Eat like it's your last meal. When you're working out, don't just focus on reps and weight. Be fully present by noticing your body and your connection to it: your breath, what hurts, what feels good. Notice the feeling of the weights in your hand, and challenge yourself to push through the discomfort. When you're kissing someone, let it be more than just a gateway to sex. Notice the softness of her lips, the shape, the energy, the dance. Kiss like it's your last time. Pick one activity to hang mindfulness on. Then build on it until mindfulness comes naturally as a way of life. The world will brighten.
Here are some things I do daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly to help myself appreciate the moment and get more mindful: Daily: Get up early. Notice the morning. Walk to a coffee shop, not drive, taking in the sky and trees. Journal. Write for me (not for work). Create a space for my thoughts, ideas, and feelings to swim. Weekly: Seek a sunset, sunrise, mountain, beach -- any form of nature. Take off my shoes and walk in the sand, on grass, dirt. Swim in the ocean. Connect to the earth. Monthly: Travel, even if it's to a different nearby city. See something I've never seen before. Taste something different. Meet new people. Do it with an open mind and curiosity, as if you're an alien visiting earth. Yearly: Do something that scares me. Maybe an activity like swimming with sharks in a cage or starting a new project. Try to take it in mindfully instead of panicking. Notice everything, and allow mindfulness to eclipse the fear.
Any opportunity you get to travel, just fucking take it. Life doesn't give us an invitation to go anywhere. We have to make it happen.
A well-traveled man is a wise man.
A man's diet is a direct reflection of his self-control, discipline, and how much he loves himself.
Cook meals like I'm cooking for someone, even if it's just me.
Laughter is life.
The difference between feeling good and feeling alive is fear. We are not afraid of things that make us feel good. A safe job, a comfortable relationship, twenty minutes on a treadmill. These things don't require much effort. We are not scared of them. But if you want to feel alive, there must be an element of fear.
Good falls into our lap. Alive doesn't.
If you're content with good, content is all you'll ever be.
Boys have something to prove because they need approval. Men let their work speak for itself.
It's about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.
When we respond, we don't just deflect our pain or frustration. We understand it, which gives it less power. We we react, we are picking scabs. When we respond, we are applying ointment.
Men who can't admit when they are wrong are basically refusing to grow. In every relationship, if you're not growing together, you are growing apart. So if you won't admit it when you're wrong, it's just a matter of time before your partner feels as if she's outgrown you. Plain and simple.
Admitting when we are wrong isn't a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It takes courage to acknowledge our mistakes, defects, and shortcomings. Make "I was wrong" (or, if it's easier, "You were right") your new superpower.
Your house is your safe tree, your temple, and a direct reflection of what's happening inside. Keep it clean. Set the tone.
What you do doesn't determine your true value. Your value lives in your character and capacity. Your heart and your story.
"If you can't find something to live for, you best find something to die for." Tupac
Every man must ask himself two questions: First, Where am I going? And second, Who's coming with me? If he reverses the order, he will be going alone.
Worth is not something you believe. It's something you build.
It's not about how many times we fight. It's about how we fight. Fight fair. Understand before trying to be understood. And don't walk away.
Treat people in service -- valets, servers, bartenders, hosts -- extra kindly. Don't treat them like they are beneath you. They are making your life easier. The way you treat people in service is a direct reflection of your true character.
If I can just make myself see the horror of how far I've fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.
I want freedom. It's clear now that alcohol is taking more from me than it's giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.
It's as if I have woken up from the Matrix and realized that alcohol was only dulling my senses and keeping me trapped rather than adding to my life.
"We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea." C. JoyBell C.
Don't beat yourself up for anything you have struggled with in the past (including unsuccessful attempts to quit). It's counterproductive.
An inability to control how much you drink is not a sign of weakness. So let's stop any self-loathing right now.
Change often occurs when the pain of the current situation becomes so great you become willing to change without fully understanding what the future holds.
When we want something to change in our lives, we usually start with a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a fully conscious choice in your life. Therefore, when you make a conscious decision to drink less, it's almost impossible to adhere to that decision because your larger, more powerful unconscious mind missed the memo.
Without desire, there is no temptation. Without temptation, there is no addiction.
Your physical response when you drink alcohol is to want more. Alcohol hooks you through its addictive and dehydrating nature.
"Truth rests with the minority...because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion." Soren Kierkegaard
A growing body of research suggests our unconscious minds cannot actually tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined fake experience.
The obvious problem is that you can't know when you are in control. Nothing seems different, and in fact as humans we tend to feel in control until something significant shows us that we are not. Even then we will vehemently deny we have lost control.
"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. F. Scott Fitzgerald
Recent neurological studies demonstrate that the brain changes in response to alcohol. These changes increase tolerance, diminish the pleasure derived from drinking, and affect the brain's ability to exercise self-control.
"The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Samuel Johnson
Our health is the single most important thing we have, and without it, nothing else matters.
Since alcohol is addictive, it has created an imperceptible craving for itself, which, when satisfied, gives him the perception of enjoyment.
I find it strange that, with thousands of beverages in existence, we only use this excuse with alcohol. We don't hear people claiming they drink Coke because it enhances the flavor of their hot dog. It strikes me, as a marketer, that this is a genius marketing tactic. If we can marry the product (alcohol) with the authentic pleasures of eating, we have a much higher chance of selling a glass of wine, at its incredible markup, every time we sell a steak.
When no one else is drinking you feel quite dumb standing around drinking something that is making you lose control of your faculties. If everyone is doing it, there must be good reasons -- it must not be that bad. It's amazing how far we will go to delude ourselves. Tell a lie long enough and convincingly enough, and even the liar will believe it.
There is ten times the evidence to support the dangers of alcohol, yet it's the small fraction of the research supporting the benefits of drinking that is published and shared, often with the purported benefits taken out of context.
It won't surprise you that severe, chronic depression and heavy drinking are closely linked.
Just one bout of heavy drinking, meaning five drinks in two hours for men or four drinks in two hours for women, can cause permanent alterations in your nerve cells and reduce the size of your individual brain cells.
Your liver acts as your first line of defense. It breaks down the alcohol so that your body can rid itself of the poison as quickly as possible. When breaking down alcohol, your liver releases toxins and damaged liver cells into the bloodstream. These toxins are more dangerous to the brain than the alcohol itself. The toxins released into your brain are responsible for bad sleep, mood imbalance, personality changes (like violence or weeping), anxiety, depression, and shortened attention span, and they can result in coma and death.
Abstinence can help reverse the negative effects on thinking skills, memory, and attention. And over several months to a year structural brain changes have been shown to self-correct.
Binge drinking raises your likelihood of having a stroke by 39%
Alcohol causes or contributes to cancer in different ways. When your liver breaks down alcohol, it produces a toxic chemical called acetaldehyde. Acetalkdehyde damages your cells, rendering them incapable of repair and making them more vulnerable to cancer. Cirrhosis also leads to cancer. Alcohol increases some hormones, including estrogen, contributing to breast cancer risk. It also causes cancer by damaging DNA and stopping our cells from repairing this damage.
"The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage." Carrie Jones
The fear scales tipped against cigarettes when new research proved smoking causes lung cancer and takes thirty years off your life. Many people quit because their fear of dying from lung cancer outweighed their fear of a life without cigarettes.
Cowardice is when you do not act according to your moral compass, failing to do what you know to be right, because of your fear. In my experience, drinking to shut out life and avoid actual issues I knew I needed to deal with, was, without a doubt the act of a coward.
Humans are not satisfied with simply existing. We look for more. No other animal questions their purpose in life or how they fit into the universe. This is one of the remarkable features that makes us uniquely human. But this questioning often creates a void inside us. We have more questions than answers, which causes tension. We desire more. This affliction is often called "the wound of existence."
Generally, the more we consume the more we desire.
Existentialist psychotherapist Irvin D. Yalom identified what he calls humans' ultimate concerns: death, isolation (loneliness), freedom, and meaning.
The absolute best marketing firms on the globe, firms with psychologists and human behavior specialists on staff, are hired to create the ads. These marketers know that the most effective sale is an emotional sale, one that plays on your deepest fears, your ultimate concerns.
The reality, when the sexy advertisements have been stripped away, is that the actual product is ethanol. It is a horrible-tasting, addictive poison. So we sweeten it with sugar and flavoring or process it to make it more palatable. The product's product is inebriation, a gradual deadening of your senses until you become completely intoxicated. And the side effects that are never disclosed are many.
Would we allow cocaine to be advertised in the same way? Can you imagine a $12 million commercial playing during the Super Bowl, with millions of young minds watching, proclaiming how amazing their lives will become if they snort a few lines? Why do we see cocaine and alcohol so differently, especially when, in the United States, alcohol kills 241 people per day and cocaine kills only fifteen people per day? Why do we glamorize the benefits of drinking?
"Alcohol doesn't permit one to do things better but instead causes us to be less ashamed of doing things poorly." W. Osler
I am appalled by how many awful things I did under the influence. Addiction is humbling, and I have been humbled enough to know that I am capable of anything, no matter how abhorrent, if the circumstances are right. Anyone is.
The more you dwell on reasons not to drink, the more upset you feel when you abstain and the worse you feel when you give in to temptation.
"You cannot find peace by avoiding life." Virginia Woolf
Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it. It can even erase entire nights when you are on a binge. Alcohol does not relieve stress; it erases your senses and your ability to think. Alcohol ultimately erases your self.
Alcohol suppresses the release of glutamate, resulting in a slowdown along your brain's neural highways. You literally think more slowly.
"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." Buddha
All addicts lie to themselves and others. They do this to protect themselves and minimize the internal trauma caused by their conflict of wills.
It's not that alcohol makes drinkers happy; it's that they are very unhappy without it.
Scientists and doctors now agree that there is no such thing as an addictive personality.
Alcohol addiction is so scary that contemplation of suicide is 120 times more likely among adult alcoholics, with alcohol involved in a third of all suicides in the U.S.
"Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." Rumi
Nothing says addicted more than trying to prove we're not.
You only struggled to make rational decisions about alcohol because your unconscious mind had been conditioned to believe lies about alcohol and because alcohol's addictive nature physically affected you. The key is to make a conscious decision to see alcohol in its true form. To allow yourself to see what it really is and smugly decide that it is the last thing you would ever want to put in your amazing body.
This is a journey, not a destination. It is a road that no one can walk but you. These are choices that no one can make but you. But know that by committing to a different future, no matter how many battles you have ahead of you, the war has already been won.
The following are my favorite quotes from Mike Cernovich's Gorilla Mindset.
To get more out of life, you must get more out of yourself.
To change my life, I had to change my mindset.
How would you act if you knew that anything you wanted to do was possible?
Gorilla Self-Talk Habits:
Avoid speaking in absolutes.
Talk to yourself as you would a close friend.
Smile when you're angry at yourself.
Turn a critical statement about yourself into a question.
Talk to yourself in front of a mirror.
Repeat your mantra.
How you choose to view life's difficulties and what you choose to focus on is a choice you make in the present moment.
Is it worth it? Is losing vital emotional, physical, and life-force energy worth it? Is losing our temper worth it?
You can't claim to be free if you're accessible 24/7. The more plugged in you are, the less importance you're placing on yourself. Being plugged in and connected does not signal importance. It shows that you are a slave to others.
Ask these questions to develop ruthless focus: What do you want more of? What do you want less of? Does [person/activity] bring you more of what you want? Does [person/activity] bring you less of what you want?
If the only message you took away from Gorilla Mindset were to cut out toxic people from your life, then I'd consider this book a massive success.
The momentum of your day begins with your morning routine. Your perfect morning will lead to your perfect day, which will lead to a better life. End this life of quiet desperation by beginning your day with an empowering morning routine. Never press the snooze button.
Your lifestyle is the sum total of how you spend your time, and that means what you spend your time on and who you spend your time with.
Fruits and vegetables, especially those rich in flavonoids, improve endothelial function (blood flow).
If there was a Gorilla Mindset Diet and Exercise Program, the program would be based on these few general principles. If you apply them to your life, your health, fitness, and mindset will improve: Eat, blend, or juice 8-9 servings of vegetables and fruit each day. Lift weights 2-4 times per week. Perform cardio 3-5 times per week. Do something physical every day. Avoid foods high in sugar, starch, or dairy.
The "Top 20" are foods that the fittest people tend to eat the most of that are ranked high on the ANDI scale. These foods are chosen for their high anti-oxidant profile, alkalinity, or because they are low in sugar and high in nutrients. The 20 best foods to base your diet around are: chicken, salmon, white fish, lean beef, kale, carrots, sweet or white potatoes, rice, eggs, blueberries, brussels sprouts, arugula, red peppers, romaine lettuce, broccoli, asparagus, spinach, tomatoes, onions, and oranges.
You only have one body. Take care of it, as it has to last your entire life.
Go to the gym. Lift weights. Do some cardio afterwards. That one hour you spend in the gym is what's going to carry you through the other 23 hours of your day.
I drink beet juice before lifting, as beet juice boosts athletic performance better than any supplement on the market.
No matter how you feel before going to the gym, you will always feel better afterwards.
Gorilla Fitness Habits:
Throw away all junk food.
Avoid all "white foods," including sugar, milk, and bread.
Focus on what you can eat.
Buy a spice rack.
Get a crock pot.
Start juicing (or blending).
I don't buy items to impress other people. I buy them because they enhance my life, or in the case of my laptop, increase my income.
It's a limiting belief that you have nothing of value to share. People turn to you for answers because you have them. Start getting paid for your guidance.
We've been taught that only certain people are authorities. You need a white lab coat or a degree. That's nonsense. It's a social construct created to make you sheep rather than wolves. Many of you blindly trust the authorities rather than become an authority yourself.
Exercise professionalism in all you do. Show that you are an authority every day. When people ask you questions, give well-researched, solid answers. Admit when you don't know something.
There is always someone out there willing to throw you under the bus, so be honest, forthright and transparent in all you do.
To become your own recognizable personal brand -- You, Inc. -- you must find a way to differentiate yourself. Being different is not without challenges. We are taught from birth to conform to the expectations of others -- be it from our parents, teachers, or society in general. Differentiation requires you to be unique and unapologetically you.
Start a side business for tax purposed: Part of the Gorilla Mindset Shift is to see yourself as a producer rather than a consumer. Once you start your own business, you are well on your way to earning more money.
Your memories are real only because you choose to treat them as real.
People often ask me how they can find their purpose or motivation. They don't like my answer, but it's the only one I'm capable of giving: If you feel unfulfilled, stop what you're doing. Try something else. Walk the streets until you're exhausted. Repeat this every day. When you finally see what you want, your life will change.
