Introspective Journaling - Day 3: What am i scared of?

What am i scared of?

spiders.  i don't like spiders.  and snakes.  basically anything with less than two legs or more than four.  although there's probably plenty of scary 2 and 4-legged beings that would be scary under certain circumstances.  

Aside from bugs, animals, and humans, i don't like heights.  i fell down a short but steep rocky cliff once when i was 16.  i walked out on my own but i don't remember it.  A couple of staples in the head and stitches in the chin and knee and i was okay.  I could've/should've been dead.  

I'm also scared of dying of in a car accident.  i feel like i'm going to die that way.  stats show that accidents are one of the leading causes of death for men under 40.

Drowning would suck.  So would burning to death.  Or sinking in quicksand.  Basically death is pretty scary because of the unknown-ness of it.  I just don't want to suffer as i die.  Take me in my sleep when i'm like healthy and 109...

On a deeper level, i claim that i'm afraid of not fulfilling my potential -- although my daily actions wouldn't support that.  I don't grind hard enough.  I find excuses and allow myself to get wrapped up in the day to day.  Goals remain the same year after year.  I plan my ass off.  That's just another distraction and an excuse not to start. 

Ultimately, i don't want to move on from this earth without having made contributions in which i'm proud.  The point when i can rest easy knowing that i did my part to leave this planet and its' beings better than i came into it.

Introspective Journaling - Day 2: What would be the most beneficial tasks for my highest self?

What would be the most beneficial tasks for my highest self?

Loosely, highest self can be defined as the best self, the most perfect representation of my being.

I will break these down along the lines of MBARKS. (Mind, body, assets, relationships, karma, soul)

These are the 6 areas of my life that i've deemed most important to my highest self.

For mind, the best things i can do is to continually acquire knowledge while keeping a beginner's mind.  Knowledge acquisition includes, but is not limited to, reading, writing, and watching documentaries.  Hands-on learning is also included here but i haven't given much focus to this aspect.

For body, it's diet and exercise.  In regard to diet, the most beneficial thing i can do is to prep meals ahead of time.  For exercise, i've begun incorporating pullups and pushups during my breaks at work.  

For assets, it's about conscious spending and earned income.  I'm not doing very well on either of these fronts.  I've acquired $15k in consumer debt and my earnings are the lowest they've been in years.  

For relationships, it's about cultivating and maintaining healthy relationships with those around me.  I have a good group of core friends and i feel like i'm doing pretty well in this area.  There's room to improve, though, and i can definitely do a better job of getting out and hanging with people.

For karma, it's about doing the right thing and actively seeking ways to be of assistance.  I'm pretty good here, too.  I look for ways to help.  For example, if i see somebody carrying heavy boxes toward a door, i'm going to do everything i can to get to that door first so that i can hold it open.

For soul, it's about maintaining present moment awareness and meditation.  I'm getting better regarding present-moment awareness but the meditation thing still hasn't stuck.

As usual, i know what i should be doing but actually doing it is another story.  Fodder for a future post?

Introspective Journaling - Day 1: What would a good morning entail?

What would a good morning entail? (not a perfect morning, just a good one)

I would wake up before or around six o' clock to allow myself plenty of time to accomplish things before work.  Shortly after waking up, I would drink a hemp protein shake in water and head out to the garden.  After completing my tasks in the garden, i would then come back inside to read or study for around an hour.  After that, I would do some form of exercise for 30 to 45 minutes.  Then i would meditate, eat a healthy breakfast and then, finally, start getting ready for work.

This would set me up to have accomplished all of my major goals before i even leave the house for work in the morning.  

Oftentimes (despite trying to develop a morning routine) i find myself sleeping in late and dragging ass all the way into the office.  That feeling on non-accomplishment hangs over me like a black cloud all day.  By the time i get home i'm tired and just want to zone out -- resulting in another wasted day.  A day i'll never get back.

Each day is an opportunity to either get better or to get worse.  There is no staying the same.

If i could just check off knowledge acquisition (reading, typically), exercise, and meditation before i left for work i know that it'd pay dividends.  The struggle thus far has been having the motivation and excitement to get my ass out of bed in the morning.  It's too easy to hit the snooze.  


I know what i have to do, it's just a matter of getting it done.

Introspective Journaling - Introduction

My next 21-day challenge is to publish an introspective journal entry each day.  I will ask myself a question and attempt to formulate some sort of an answer.  I don't have the questions pre-planned; i plan to let them come naturally each morning.  I commit to writing at least a 250 word response.

The challenge begins on June 1st.