Drinking --> smoking. Fuck, damn, shit, piss. I'm going to end up smoking on more days of the "smoke free" challenge than not. Sonofabitch.
Until my girlfriend made the light bulb go off. She said, "now you're just going to have to start over again." I replied, "yeah, that's fine." She said, "fine for you maybe but not for me and the dog."
She's right. Putting myself through hell is one thing but putting the people around me through hell is unacceptable. It never really dawned on me how much it effects other people. (I'm cranky as hell when i don't smoke and every time i smoke again that clock starts over) Supposedly the first 72 hours are the worst. I've yet to go 72 hours straight. I've only made it about 36 or so up to this point.
Maybe this realization will be the catalyst i need. Stay tuned..
Showing posts with label Debt/Personal Finance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Debt/Personal Finance. Show all posts
Smoke Free - Day 4
Yesterday's post was a little premature. Although i had "gotten rid" of everything, i didn't empty the ashtrays. I couldn't resist.
The happy part is that now everything is REALLY gone. Independence Day coincided nicely with my first real day of independence from smoking.
I knew this challenge wasn't going to be easy, and i expected some road bumps. I can't get depressed and fall back into the negative behavior. That's what i've done in the past. I fuck up once or twice and suddenly i'm back to smoking on a regular basis as if i've never stopped.
I can promise that there will be no smoking today. I plan to take my ZMA and hit the sack shortly after publishing this post.
Tomorrow will be the 2nd day in a row being smoke free!
The happy part is that now everything is REALLY gone. Independence Day coincided nicely with my first real day of independence from smoking.
I knew this challenge wasn't going to be easy, and i expected some road bumps. I can't get depressed and fall back into the negative behavior. That's what i've done in the past. I fuck up once or twice and suddenly i'm back to smoking on a regular basis as if i've never stopped.
I can promise that there will be no smoking today. I plan to take my ZMA and hit the sack shortly after publishing this post.
Tomorrow will be the 2nd day in a row being smoke free!
Smoke Free - Day 3
Day 3 was a smoke free success! I'm not going to pretend it was easy but the satisfaction of a small victory will be enough to make it through another day.
I realize that smoking isn't making my life any better. I use it as an escape. However, i've started to realize that trying to escape from reality only buries you deeper into the very reality from which you are trying to escape.
I need to face my fear and embrace the suck. Stepping out of my comfort zone is the only way i'll grow.
I realize that smoking isn't making my life any better. I use it as an escape. However, i've started to realize that trying to escape from reality only buries you deeper into the very reality from which you are trying to escape.
I need to face my fear and embrace the suck. Stepping out of my comfort zone is the only way i'll grow.
Smoke Free - Day 2
I wish i had better news on Day 2 but that isn't the case. I'm a human not a superhero. I've been smoking for over a decade, i was naive for thinking that i would just stop. Especially keeping them around. Lesson learned.
The good news is that now i'm officially out so tomorrow is the restart. No plans on going to the store to buy any more. I'll extend the challenge for two days for good measure.
The plan is to fully commit to living a healthy life in all aspects. Hopefully i'll be so busy that i won't even think about smoking.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Can't let a bump in the road ruin the whole journey.
The good news is that now i'm officially out so tomorrow is the restart. No plans on going to the store to buy any more. I'll extend the challenge for two days for good measure.
The plan is to fully commit to living a healthy life in all aspects. Hopefully i'll be so busy that i won't even think about smoking.
Tomorrow is a new day and a new beginning. Can't let a bump in the road ruin the whole journey.
Smoke Free - Day 1
Last night i enjoyed a few final smokes before packing up the lighters and ashtrays and shoving everything into a closet. I removed all visual cues that would make me think about smoking.
Today wasn't fun. As soon as i woke up i was trying to figure out ways to get around having to start the challenge. Just one puff, only one smoke after work instead of quitting completely, etc.
The workday was long and unproductive. The thought of smoking was the only thing i could concentrate on.
I was also extra irritable. I'm generally chill in my car but today i wanted to lash out at every driver that wasn't traversing up to my standards.
And then...FAILURE. Lunchtime happened and so did smoking. Unfortunately i didn't actually get rid of my stuff, i just put it away.
Day one and i've already let myself down. Self-doubt, depression, etc. ensues. Capped by more negative behavior. This has been the cycle in the past.
I'm obviously setting myself up to fail but does that mean i don't even want to succeed? I can't answer that question.
I could also concentrate on the positives. Although i smoked, i was able to avoid smoking upon waking up. Small steps. Small victories. There's still 20 days left and i don't plan on failing every day.
New goal is to [not so] gradually reduce the amount of times i smoke each day. By July 4th, i'll no longer be smoking. Hopefully this will make the journey a tad bit more bearable for myself and the people around me.
Don't give up on me on the first day!
Today wasn't fun. As soon as i woke up i was trying to figure out ways to get around having to start the challenge. Just one puff, only one smoke after work instead of quitting completely, etc.
The workday was long and unproductive. The thought of smoking was the only thing i could concentrate on.
I was also extra irritable. I'm generally chill in my car but today i wanted to lash out at every driver that wasn't traversing up to my standards.
And then...FAILURE. Lunchtime happened and so did smoking. Unfortunately i didn't actually get rid of my stuff, i just put it away.
Day one and i've already let myself down. Self-doubt, depression, etc. ensues. Capped by more negative behavior. This has been the cycle in the past.
I'm obviously setting myself up to fail but does that mean i don't even want to succeed? I can't answer that question.
I could also concentrate on the positives. Although i smoked, i was able to avoid smoking upon waking up. Small steps. Small victories. There's still 20 days left and i don't plan on failing every day.
New goal is to [not so] gradually reduce the amount of times i smoke each day. By July 4th, i'll no longer be smoking. Hopefully this will make the journey a tad bit more bearable for myself and the people around me.
Don't give up on me on the first day!
Smoke Free - Introduction
I've been a smoker for over a decade now. I started when i was 16 and got my driver's license. Having a car made it easy to leave the house and conceal the smoking. The habit got worse when i moved away to college and was on my own entirely for the first time. It didn't help that we were allowed to smoke in our dorm rooms!
Anyways, through college and thereafter the smoking habit has never left. It's the one thing in my life that i really don't feel like i have control over. It's gotten to a point where it's affected me physically, mentally, financially, and otherwise. It's time that i get this habit under control.
I must admit that this challenge has been on my mind from the very start but i haven't been strong enough to seriously give it a try. However, when asking myself, "which challenge would provide the most benefit?" quitting smoking rang loudly and quickly.
After 21 days is over, i can't say i'll never smoke again. That's not the point though. It's more about proving to myself that i'm able.
This challenge chose me. I didn't choose it. The fun begins in the morning. In the meantime, i'll enjoy a smoke or two before the night is out.
Anyways, through college and thereafter the smoking habit has never left. It's the one thing in my life that i really don't feel like i have control over. It's gotten to a point where it's affected me physically, mentally, financially, and otherwise. It's time that i get this habit under control.
I must admit that this challenge has been on my mind from the very start but i haven't been strong enough to seriously give it a try. However, when asking myself, "which challenge would provide the most benefit?" quitting smoking rang loudly and quickly.
After 21 days is over, i can't say i'll never smoke again. That's not the point though. It's more about proving to myself that i'm able.
This challenge chose me. I didn't choose it. The fun begins in the morning. In the meantime, i'll enjoy a smoke or two before the night is out.
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