Introspective Journaling - Day 17: What is keeping me from living the life that i want to live?

The short and easy answer is money and fear.  Lack of money and abundant fear.  

I may be technically less than poor as i'm in debt and don't have any savings.  I tell myself that i "deserve" things even though i can't afford them.  Consumer debt is the worst.  

I'd finally paid off my credit cards a couple years ago when i was suddenly laid off.  After that, we decided to move from North Carolina where we'd been back to Ohio to be closer to family.  Neither of us had the cash but we had the credit -- and so here we are, back in Ohio.  I don't regret it.  I'm just broke as fuck.  

I got laid off from a job i couldn't stand but i was making good money.  Now, I'm at a job that i really like but i'm making way less money than i'm used to having.  The lifestyle hasn't been so quick to adjust.  Although i've cut out a lot of un-neccessary shit, i'm still living paycheck to paycheck and not putting any sort of dent into the debt situation.  (Not to mention assets)

However, the money thing is just an excuse for fear.  Being scared of the unknown, maybe.  I really don't know what it is.  I do a lot of shit other than working hard towards my goals.  I make lists and goals and promises but in the end it's all empty.  They're all excuses -- delaying my own greatness.

My biggest obstacle is myself.  That's the real answer.  I'm what is keeping me from living the life that i want to live.