750 Words - Day 18

Each day is an opportunity to get better or for your skills to diminish.  We have a choice each day, hour, minute, second.  Just because we've decided one way for the past x amount of years, doesn't mean today has to be the same.  Today can be the be the day you start a streak or the day you begin to break a bad habit.  It only takes one day to start a streak, and it only takes one day to end it.  

I have been comfortable floating along for quite some time now.  A shake-up is in the works, i just don't know how long it will take for me to act on the impulses.  In the meantime, i will continue to try and improve each day so that when the time comes, i'll be ready to leap at the opportunity.  

I want to bring maximum effort to each area of my life that i have deemed important.  Life is too short not to try and be the best person i can be.  I must remove myself from people who bring me down and surround myself with uplifting, successful people.  After all, why would one take advice from somebody 20 years older than you who is basically stuck in the same situation?  What do they know, really?  If they knew something, they wouldn't still be doing the same shit they've been doing that is keeping them unfulfilled.

It goes back to comfort.  Am i willing to trade comfort for fulfillment?  I must say that at this point, my actions tell me yes, i am willing to sacrifice fulfillment for comfort.  This is something i'd love to reverse.  To trade the comfort for fulfillment.  Comfort keeps you stuck, comfort keeps you doing the same things you have been doing.  Comfort keeps you "in the box."  I've never considered myself to be a mainstream person, but here i am.  Going through the motions like all of these other robots.  Doing what is expected of me instead of what fulfills me.  

The powerful thing about it all is that it's all up to me.  I can jump right the fuck out of that box and shout, "I'm here fuckers!" if i so choose.  That's my choice.  It's just about overcoming the fear.  I'm not there yet.  I'll never be there from a "it's time" perspective, so i'll eventually have to man-up and just jump in and let the details sort themselves out.  The sooner the better but that fear is real.  Even though i don't even know what i'm fearing.  Fearing the unknown, fear of being uncomfortable, i guess.

I really don't know what the ultimate catalyst is going to be.  It would be nice if i could initiate it but i have a feeling it's going to have to come from external sources.  I seem to operate reactively instead of proactively.  Something tells me that this is not the secret to success.  

Being aware of these things are an important step, but if i'm aware and still don't make changes then what?  I'm aware but i don't care.  But i do care or i wouldn't be sitting here writing about it.

I'm terrible at delaying gratification.  This is a problem.  There was a famous study done years ago that went something like this:  a child was place in a room with a cookie.  The child was told that they could eat the cookie now, or if they wait until the grown-up comes back, they can have an extra cookie (or two, can't remember)  The children who were able to wait for the additional cookies ended up being more successful in life than the children who ate the cookie that was sitting in front of them.

However, doesn't this go against the age-old saying, "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?"  The kid had that cookie right now, why risk that one cookie with future cookies that are "promised" but not guaranteed?  Interesting dilemma there.  If anybody can help me out with that it'd be great.  

Tomorrow isn't promised, but i'd better be prepared in case it happens anyways.  I guess it's all about walking that fine line.  The razor's edge, so to speak.  Never too extreme, but following the middle way.  This is a big theme in Buddhism and probably a great strategy in every aspect of all of our lives.  I must work to develop this skill.  The skill of balancing comfort and fulfillment.  Every day is a chance to improve.