Notes & Quotes: How To Be Your Own Bodyguard by Nick Hughes

The following are my favorite quotes from Nick Hughes's How To Be Your Own Bodyguard: Self Defense for Men and Women from a Lifetime of Protecting Clients in Hostile Environments.

1. It never made much sense to me to see guys buying guns and going to the range with the excuse that it was for self-defense when the same guy is 100 pounds overweight, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and eating a diet of fried food, pizzas, and beer. He's going to die from self-inflicted heart attack or stroke before he ever ends up needing his gun for self-defense. My argument is that if they understood the concept of self-protection as opposed to self-defense they'd make moves to remedy that.
2. How much longer does it take to sit in a seat where you can see the door versus the one you can't? About two seconds. Two seconds is not a long time and the potential return on that tiny investment of time is absolutely huge. For men, go into the stall of a public restroom as opposed to standing at the urinal. Two seconds. Put on boots or lace up shoes as opposed to flip flops. Two seconds. Take your weapon with you versus leave it at home. Two seconds. By now you should be getting the idea. Being prepared takes very little extra time compared to not being prepared, but the payoff is vast.
3. Most victims have no plan at all. The only thing they'll say when asked about their plan is "well, I just hope it never happens to me." Hope should never be part of a self-protection plan. Ask yourself this question. Would you vote for a President who, upon being asked what his plan for national defense was, replied with "well I just hope we never get attacked." Sounds ridiculous right? But right now, millions of people are protecting themselves exactly that way.
4. Using and understanding the acronym S.I.V.A. will help you understand the process that most attacks follow. Selection. Isolation. Verbal. Attack/Assault.
5. One of the keys to helping control the effects of adrenalin on the system is used by snipers, soldiers trying to shoot, and hostage rescue team members just before entry into a room with a barricaded subject, and that is simply controlled breathing. By breathing in slowly for a four count, holding for four, letting out for four, and holding for four before inhaling again, one can rapidly get on top of many of the symptoms.
6. The OODA loop is the process which everyone cycles through, over and over, be they individuals or even corporations, and it breaks down as follows...Observation. Orientation. Decision. Action.
7. Having a self-talk "script" is a very useful tool. There are many out there and they can be tailored to your specific goals. One of the best of these that I've seen, and the one that I use all the time, comes from Dennis Martin of CQB Services in the UK and it goes like this:
   "I will do whatever it takes to win the fight. I may be hit. I may be cut. I may go down. I may feel pain. I may feel fear. But I will turn pain into power and I will turn fear into aggression. I will keep fighting. As long as I have breath in my body and blood in my veins. And I will win! Because I will do whatever it takes to win the the fight. I will do whatever it takes to win the fight!!!"
8. Develop the habit of gathering intelligence. We do it by taking five to ten seconds when exiting a building (the mall for example) or your home to pause, survey your surroundings, and take in information. The best way to do this is to break the area you're looking at into a foreground, a middle ground, and background. Begin by looking at the foreground and do it from right to left and not left to right. Why? We read from left to right and so, as a result, we tend to skim over minor details when looking in that direction. By forcing ourselves to look from the right to the left we tend to take in more information. The other step to keep in mind is that you search the foreground first, and then the middle, and then the background last. That's because anyone in the foreground is going to be the most dangerous due to their proximity.
9. A favorite of sexual predators at malls for example is to wait beside a victim's car in a van. As the victim approaches, the door slides open, the victim is grabbed and dragged into the car, in less than three seconds, and carted away. By pausing for the five seconds before you blindly head to your car you would have a chance to spot the suspicious vehicle and go back for assistance from mall security.
10. Get into the habit of locking your doors within three seconds of getting into your house, car, or hotel room. If a predator is following you to take advantage he has a limited amount of time to get into where you are by following you through the door. By locking the doors immediately, you deny him that access.
11. I know it's fun to work hard and spend your money on the status symbols, but you really do have to pick when and where you wear them. Walking around a third world country with a Rolex and you may as well wear a sign that says "mug me."
12. Special Forces usually travel in four man teams. Executive protection specialists travel in teams of anything from two to twenty-four members, juvenile gangs and bikers all travel in packs. The common denominator here is that there is safety in numbers. I want you to adopt the same methodology whenever possible and that is adopt the buddy system and least go out in pairs. Take a workout partner to the gym, car pool with someone, go shopping with a friend, etc.
13. Remember that criminals are opportunists, so the harder you make their job, the more likely it is that they'll pick an easier, softer target. Remember, their goal is money, not necessarily YOUR money. Anyone's will do and ensuring it's not yours is YOUR number one priority.
14. To be blunt, it's better to be safe than sorry. If your gut is telling you something, listen to it and then heed its warning. One day you'll be hugely thankful that you did.
15. You new empty mark on your car's gas gauge is now the half way mark. This is Standard Operating Procedure--SOP--with regards to security driving when protecting a principle and needs to be adopted by you as well.
16. Make sure you have the following in your car at all times:
1. A fully inflated spare tire.
2. A jack.
3. Jumper cables.
4. Flashlight.
5. Water.
6. Duct tape.
7. Flares.
8. First aid kit. 
9. Survival blanket.
10. Tool kit.
17. Utterly important, and oft time ignored, the Bug In Bag--BIB--is a critical piece of kit. It is a small backpack, or equivalent, packed with some simple items that will help you get home (Bug In) in the event of a breakdown, blackout, or similar emergency. The Bug Out Bag is similar in content except it is usually bigger and contains elements to camp out and survive in the wilderness should it ever become necessary to leave home and head for the hills.
18. While the contents of your individual bag will vary depending on your needs and where you live, etc., some basic items should include the following:
1. Walking shoes.
2. Water.
3. Bandana.
4. Power bars.
5. Flashlight.
6. Batteries.
7. Lighter.
8. First aid kit.
9. Whistle.
10. Compass.
11. Dust mask.
12. Survival blanket.
13. Mutli-tool.
14. Swiss Army knife.
15. Poncho.
16. Hands free light.
17. AM/FM radio.
18. Handi-wipes.
19. Duct tape.
20. Paracord.
21. Chapstick.
22. Sunscreen.
23. Gloves.
24. Pry bar.
19. The most important part of all the above is knowing how to use it. Do not include something in your kit that you don't know how to use.
20. "Who's around me and what are they doing?" That's situational awareness summed up in one sentence and is the bedrock of anyone's self-protection plan.
21. Another major part of situational awareness is not only being aware of who is around you but also your environment. Where are the exits? What improvised weapons are available? What cover is available, and what concealment? Not a lot of stuff in commercial workplaces and/or schools will stop rifle bullets.
22. "If you knew you were going to be fighting a gunman for your life tomorrow what would you be doing to prepare for it today?" Another way to look at this is, "if the time to perform has arrived, the time to prepare has passed."
23. To be effective there are three things someone must have to win a street fight. They must have technique, they must have tactics, and they must have the correct mindset. 

Notes & Quotes: Never Finished by David Goggins

The following are my favorite quotes from David Goggins's Never Finished: Unshackle Your Mind and Win the War Within.

1. The way we speak to ourselves in moments of doubt is crucial, whether or not the stakes are high. Because our words become actions, and our actions build habits that can coat our minds and bodies with the plaque of ambivalence, hesitancy, and passivity and separate us from our own lives. If any of this sounds familiar, grab your phone and record your inner dialogue as soon as you wake up. Don't hold back. Spill all your dread, laziness, and stress into the mic. Now listen to it. Nine times out of ten, you won't like what you hear. It will make you cringe. You wouldn't want your girlfriend or boyfriend, your boss, or your kids to hear your unfiltered weakness. But you should.
2. I looked at each day as an opportunity to mine the negativity that had colonized my brain and became fascinated by the power of the mind and how it can work for us and against us.
3. If you don't feel like you're good enough, if your life lacks meaning and time feels like it's slipping through your fingers, there is only one option. Recreate yourself in your own Mental Lab. Somewhere you can be alone with your thoughts and wrestle with the substance of what and who you want to be in your one short life on earth. If it feels right, create an alter ego to access some of that dark matter in your mind. That's what I did. In my mind, David Goggins wasn't the savage motherfucker who accomplished all the hard shit. It was Goggins who did that.
4. Mental toughness and resilience fade if they aren't used consistently. I say it all the time: you are either getting better, or you're getting worse. You're not staying the same.
5. To put it into plain text: when your self-worth goes away and you don't deal with or accept your demons, they will continue to own you, and you will become a bottom feeder.
6. When a half-assed job doesn't bother you, it speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. And until you start feeling a sense of pride and self-respect in the work you do, no matter how small or overlooked those jobs might be, you will continue to half-ass your life.
7. Allow discipline to seep into your cells until work becomes a reflex as automatic as breathing. With discipline as your medium, your life will become a work of art.
8. From then on, whenever I had a purpose or a task in front of me, I didn't consider it done until I'd completed it to the best of my ability. When that's the way you live your life, you no longer need a task list or an Accountability Mirror because when you see the grass is high, you cut the grass right then. If you're lagging behind in school or work, you study your ass off or stay late and take care of business. When it came time to lose one hundred pounds to become a SEAL, I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to tap back into being a disciple of discipline, but I didn't need a task list. Writing it down would have only cut into my workout time, and I didn't have a single minute to spare.
9. People who feel sorry for themselves are obsessed with their own problems and their own fate. Is that really much different than the greedy and egotistical people who want to feel better than everybody else?
10. Whether it is a seven-mile run or a 240-mile run, we all know what it's like to bargain with ourselves to avoid having to do the very thing we said we would. We say we're overworked, overwhelmed, or just over it entirely. I never give in to that because I know there are a lot of people out there who do not have that choice to make. They cannot run at all and wish like hell they could.
11. Once you find out who the fuck you are, the world will start delivering you care packages filled with opportunities that will fuel your quest.
12. When you evolve, your inner circle must evolve with you. Otherwise, you may subconsciously halt your own growth to avoid outpacing and losing contact with the people who mean a lot to you but may not be able to hang with you.
13. No matter what life serves me, I say, "Roger that." Most people think "Roger that," simply means, "Order received." However, in the military, some people infuse ROGER with a bit more intention and define it as, "Received, order given, expect results." When used that way, it is so much more than an acknowledgment. It's an accelerant. It bypasses the over-analytical brain and stimulates action because, in some situations, thinking is the enemy.
14. Most of his work was hidden, but it is within that unseen work that self-leaders are made. I suspect the reason he was capable of exceeding any and all standards consistently was because he was dedicated at a level most people cannot fathom in order to stay ready for any and all opportunities.
15. Think about how much information is out there on the internet. Any place you want to build your skills, from boot camp to Harvard Business School, from EMT certification to an engineering degree, is described online in granular detail. You can study the prerequisites and start on the coursework before you are even admitted. You can prepare as if you are already there so when the time comes and you do land that opportunity, you are ready to smash it. That's what a self-leader does, no matter how busy their lives are. Not because they are obsessed with being the best, but because they are striving to become their best.
16. Setting an example through action rather than words will always be the most potent form of leadership, and it's available to all of us. You don't have to be a great public speaker or have an advanced degree. Those things are fine and have their place, but the best way to lead a group is to simply live the example and show your team or classmates, through dedication, effort, performance, and results, what is truly possible.
17. My oath to self: I live with Day One, Week One mentality. This mentality is rooted in self-discipline, personal accountability, and humility. While most people stop when they're tired, I stop when I am done. In a world where mediocrity is often the standard, my life's mission is to become uncommon amongst the uncommon.
18. No matter what I'm doing or which arena I'm engaging in, I will always aim for greatness I know that we are all mere mortals and greatness is possible for anyone and everyone if they are willing to seek it out in their own soul.

Notes & Quotes: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

The following are my favorite quotes from Lori Gottlieb's Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

1. Change and loss travel together. We can't have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.
2. One of the most important steps in therapy is helping people take responsibility for their current predicaments, because once they realize that they can (and must) construct their own lives, they're free to generate change.
3. Doing something prompts you to do something else, replacing a vicious cycle with a virtuous one. Most big transformations come about form the hundreds of tiny, almost imperceptible, steps we take along the way.
4. Idiot compassion--you avoid rocking the boat to spare people's feelings, even though the boat needs rocking and your compassion ends up being more harmful than your honesty. People do this with teenagers, spouses, addicts, even themselves. Its opposite is wise compassion, which means caring about the person but also giving him or her a loving truth bomb when needed.
5. The things we protest against the most are often the very things we need to look at.
6. We sprinkle seeds of curiosity, because therapy can't help people who aren't curious about themselves.
7. Whenever one person in a family system starts to make changes, even if the changes are healthy and positive, it's not unusual for other members in this system to do everything they can to maintain the status quo and bring things back to homeostasis.
8. Most of us come to therapy feeling trapped--imprisoned by our thoughts, behaviors, marriages, jobs, fears, or past. Sometimes we imprison ourselves with a narrative of self-punishment. If we have a choice between believing one of two things, both of which we have evidence for--I'm unlovable, I'm lovable--often we choose the one that makes us feel bad.
9. There is a way out--as long as we're willing to see it.
10. Therapists tell their patients: Follow your envy--it shows you what you want.
11. Regret can go one of two ways: it can either shackle you to the past or serve as an engine for change.
12. One of the things that surprised me as a therapist was how often people wanted to be told what to do, as if I had the right answer or as if right and wrong answers existed for the bulk of choices people make in their daily lives.
13. Sharing difficult truths might come with a cost--the need to face them--but there's also a reward: freedom. The truth releases us from shame.
14. We may want others' forgiveness, but that comes from a place of self-gratification; we are asking forgiveness of others to avoid the harder work of forgiving ourselves.
15. At some point, being a fulfilled adult means taking responsibility for the course of your own life and accepting the fact that now you're in charge of your choices.
16. Research shows that people tend to remember experiences based on how they end, and termination is a powerful phrase in therapy because it gives them the experience of a positive conclusion in what might have been a lifetime of negative, unresolved, or empty endings.
17. Even in the best possible relationship, you're going to get hurt sometimes, and no matter how much you love somebody, you will at times hurt that person, not because you want to, but because you're human. You will inevitably hurt your partner, your parents, your children, your closest friend--and they will hurt you--because if you sign up for intimacy, getting hurt is part of the deal.