the Ripening: Notes/Quotes

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Notes & Quotes: Scarcity Brain by Michael Easter

The following are my favorite quotes from Michael Easter's Scarcity Brain: Fix Your Craving Mindset and Rewire Your Habits to Thrive with Enough.

It doesn't matter how much gas we give good new habits; if we don't resolve our bad ones, we still have our foot on the brake.
Aren't addiction, obesity, anxiety, chronic diseases, debt, environmental destruction, political dispute, war, and more all driven by our craving for...more?
The [slot] machines make more than $30 billion each year in the United States alone, or about $100 per American per year. It's more than we spend on movies, books, and music combined. And the figure rises about 10 percent every year.
The behaviors we do in rapid succession--from gambling to overeating to overbuying to binge-watching to binge drinking and so much more--are powered by a "scarcity loop." It has three parts. Opportunity -- Unpredictable Rewards -- Quick Repeatability.
[William] James captured something profound about this brief stint of consciousness we all have and call life. In the end, he said, our life is ultimately a collection of what we pay attention to.
In 1928, the propaganda genius and father of public relations Edward Bernays wrote, "In almost every act of our daily lives...we are dominated by the relatively small numbers of persons...who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses...We are governed, our minds molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by [people] we have never heard of...It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind."
In the human brain less equals bad, worse, unproductive. More equals good, better, productive. Our scarcity brain defaults to more and rarely considers less.
We're experiencing what researchers call "time scarcity." It's a feeling that we don't have enough time. The truth is that we have more time than ever, thanks to advances in human longevity and the changing nature of work. Still, we cram our lives with so much compulsive activity, things "to do," that we feel pressed.
Brainpower we could have used to plan ahead and solve real problems or just be satisfied and enjoy our present condition gets sucked into a vortex of craving. "This deprivation," wrote the scientists, "can lead to a life absorbed by preoccupations that improve ongoing cognitive deficits and reinforce self-defeating actions." That's scientist-speak for "we obsess over and do dumb stuff and that hurts us."
Scientists at the University of New Mexico analyzed alcoholics in recovery for more than a year. The top reason for relapse was believing addiction is a disease. The relapsers said they didn't see the point in struggling against a disease without a medical cure. This viewpoint can also lead would-be lifelines to give up hope. Other research found that the more a drug user's family members believe addiction is an insurmountable disease, the more likely the are to distance themselves from the user.
"How do you help patients who come to you with addictions or even compulsions around other habits?" "My main advice is to make a big change," said Dr Adbul-Razaq. "Change your circle. Go to school. Educate yourself. Get a job or change your job. Take courses to improve your skills. Learn to read and pour yourself into books. Actively go out and make friends or change your friend group. Make big changes." Embrace short-term discomfort to find a long-term benefit.
When we start to feel as if we have an opportunity to gain status and influence, we start valuing it even more and doing more things to get it. Whether posting on social media or behaving a certain way around others, we'll see the opportunity, act, wait for unpredictable rewards, then repeat. The scarcity loop.
"Status ponds" are more important than we realize. How we feel at any given moment is surprisingly linked to the pond we're in. For example, research shows that people in the top one percentile of wealth--one percenters who make at least $600,000 a year--frequently complain of feeling poor and stretched. This is because they usually live around other one percenters. So they focus on what they don't have compared to their peers. It leads these objectively rich people to believe that they are subjectively poor.
Authentic pride comes from doing awesome things. Hubristic pride comes from falsely advertising ourselves.
The "false uniqueness bias," which is our tendency to see ourselves and our work as more unique than it is. It often leads us to focus on the differences we have with people rather than our similarities. Which explains the concept of schismogenesis, the idea that cultures and people define themselves against their neighbors.
"Do you want to be right or happy?" This question has since saved me a lot of headaches my ego-driven brain manufactures and seems intent on worsening by defending its position. And it highlights something important about our scarcity brain and its desire for influence.
When we ask ourselves, "Do I want to be right or happy?" we take the long view and insert perspective into the equation. But we can also bend the question. It could be "do I want to look good or be happy?" Or "do I want to one-up this person or be happy?" Or "do I want to be right or be a good friend, co-worker, or significant other?" And on and on. Play with it.
Pair our scarcity brain with the modern news cycle, the rat race of life, abundant ultra-processed food, and the limited-time release of the McRib. Congrats, you have an elegant formula for folks who waddle.
In the modern world, if we push back against our tendency to add--forcing ourselves to solve a problem with what we have--we'll likely solve it better, more creatively and efficiently. Creativity and efficiency bloom under scarcity.
The experience led me to a rule to guide my future purchases. I landed on "gear, not stuff." Stuff is a possession for the sake of it. Stuff adds to a collection of items we already have. We often use stuff to fill an emotional impulse or advertise to society that we're a certain type of person. Or it solves a perceived problem we could have solved better with a bit of creativity. Gear, on the other hand, has a clear purpose of helping us achieve a higher purpose.
We might be surprised to learn that still today the world is mostly vast and unpopulated spaces. Our urban areas take up just a sliver of Earth. Cities, towns, and villages make up only 1 percent of our habitable land. Most of habitable land, 50 percent of it, goes to agriculture.
Psychologists have a good rule of thumb for making decisions in a sea of information. It's similar to the rule we can use to determine if we should keep or discard an item. Make everyday decisions within sixty seconds. After that, analyzing more and more information only wastes time and doesn't steer us into significantly better outcomes.
When a child looks longingly through a pet shop window at a puppy, she's seeking the dog because she's seeking happiness. When a miner toils in a coal mine, even though the work is a harsh drudgery, he's seeking coal because he believes his pay will lead him to happiness. When a sales executive strives to make the next big deal, she's seeking a commission because she believes the commission will ultimately bring her happiness. When we take that second serving of food, troll someone online, click buy on Amazon again, or do anything at all, we're taking that action because we think it will make us happy. When we fall into a scarcity loop, it's for happiness. Even our worst ideas are a search for happiness.
The same cycle that helped us survive in the past--happiness followed by dissatisfaction repeated for life--now blinds us to how astonishing modern life is and leads us to chase happiness in all the wrong places.
[Saint] Benedict's philosophy on life can be summed up by the phrase "ora et labora." That's Latin for "pray and work." It's the motto of Benedictines.
Improving our lives requires enduring short-term discomfort for long-term achievement.

Notes & Quotes: The 32 Principles by Rener Gracie

The following are my favorite quotes from Rener Gracie's The 32 Principles: Harnessing the Power of Jui-Jitsu to Succeed in Business, Relationships, and Life.

On more than one occasion, I have been asked if, in retrospect, I view my back injury as a type of blessing in disguise. My answer to that question has always been consistent, I believe that life doesn't happen to you. Life happens for you. So whether that injury was a cosmic gift or not, I made it into a gift for myself.
In jiu-jitsu, our connectedness to an opponent is used to supply us with a trio of important outcomes: to prevent motion, to promote motion, or to predict motion.
Sometimes the people closest to us don't need the type of help we want to give. They need a different type of help from us. They need for us to realize it's all right to let go.
We should aim to develop the foundational emotional and communicative tools that help us to navigate a myriad of potential social obstacles while remaining balanced. Among these tools and traits are a healthy self-esteem, humility, personal reliability, confidence, respect for others, the ability to deal with pressure, a strong will, and the possession of a moral compass. If you can bring any three of these tools to a given situation, the chances of you controlling the situation, rather than the reverse, will increase substantially.
"Once you give [others] the power to tell you you're great, you've also given them the power to tell you you're unworthy. Once you start caring about people's opinions of you, you give up control." Ronda Rousey
My grandfather once noted, "Jiu-jitsu is a mousetrap. The trap does not chase the mouse. But when the mouse grabs the cheese, the trap plays its role."
We like to say: Be first and third. What that literally means is that those in control of a situation make the first move, knowing what the opponent's response (the second move) will be. Then we capitalize on that opening through the third move, the move we set up for ourselves.
If you are the first to accept the inevitability of an action performed against you, then you also have the opportunity to be the first one prepared for the outcome of that action. And that acceptance can be extremely valuable in determining what happens next.
"My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations." Michael J. Fox
"Intelligence is like a river: the deeper it is, the less noise it makes." Unknown
Water doesn't focus on where the rock is. Instead, water focuses on where the rock is not. It takes the path of least resistance, never losing sight of its primary goal of reaching the sea.
For someone taking a fall, be it physical or figurative, the two questions they should immediately ask themselves are: How did that happen? and At which point did their balance begin to become compromised?
I'm partial to saying, "The Gracies used to teach jiu-jitsu to police officers. Now we teach jiu-jitsu for police officers. I'm just the messenger." That's the type of improved vision the Reconnaissance Principle can produce when you're receptive to the power of new information.
Coauthor and journalist Paul Volpani, "When you can call someone by their name, there's less anonymity. Hence, people are less likely to do the wrong thing in front of you. That can insulate you and those in your immediate area from their problems."
Above all else, the tension surrounding UFC 1, both inside and outside the octagon, revealed one unequivocal truth: when it comes to a no-rules fight between two people, Brazilian jiu-jitsu is the superior art form.
Imagine studying for a final exam in a class you're doing well in or preparing to be interviewed for a job promotion perfectly suiting your talents. Eustress pushes you to study and prepare, and that little bit of nervousness you feel helps prove that the outcome is important to you. It is the optimal amount of stress for the average person. In a sense, eustress is the opposite of distress, and its presence in our lives is vital to our overall mental health and well-being.
Don't defend the submission. Defend the position.
"Purposeful giving is not apt to deplete one's resources." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Leading by example isn't simply the best way to teach. It's the only way to teach.
Like my grandfather always said: There is no such thing as a bad student, only bad teachers. If a person who is small, weak, or unathletic has the courage to give jiu-jitsu a try, it is our responsibility, as their teacher, to exceed all their expectations when it comes to fostering a fun, safe, and positive learning experience on the mat. If someone tries a class and doesn't come back, it's not because they're weak, it's because we didn't do our job. This was my grandfather's belief, this is my belief, and this is the belief of the thousands of instructors my brother and I have personally certified to teach our programs.
"The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts." Charles Darwin

Notes & Quotes: Breathe by Rickson Gracie

The following are my favorite quotes from Rickson Gracie's Breathe: A Life in Flow.

My dad believed that if you mind and will are not strong, you'll spend your entire life getting carried away by your desires and weaknesses. You'll spend your whole life paying for things you don't want.
From a very young age, it was drilled into us that there was no shame in losing but there was shame in quitting or not fighting.
This experience taught me an important lesson about Jiu Jitsu: sometimes it's not about escaping but about finding whatever comfort you can in hell. Something as small as turning my rib cage slightly so I can breathe a little easier can be the difference between victory and defeat. This was less a technical revelation to me than it was a mental one.
I was beginning to understand that money and social position defined some people, but I wanted to be defined by my merit.
If I were to be the greatest Gracie, I had to take risks. Even though I experimented with different drugs and potentially dangerous lifestyles, I valued my freedom above all. I never wanted to be controlled by anything, especially a drug.
I eventually learned that the capacity to accept anything, especially death, was the key to my physical, mental, and spiritual growth. All three of these elements must be balanced, because sometimes you don't break physically but emotionally. Sometimes you have the physicality and the emotional control but are spiritually unprepared. Without a spiritual connection to both life and death, you can't reach the next level of performance. Soon I would realize that if I were to dance on the razor's edge, I might fall off it and die. That was the price of admission.
One of the most important muscles for high-performance athletes to develop in order to breathe more efficiently is the diaphragm.
Once I could accept death and walk comfortably toward it, what was there to be afraid of? My biggest personal breakthrough came after realizing that my life was less important than my mission.
Renzo [Gracie] was a born fighter who, rather than getting scared in dangerous situations, got focused.
As Gracies, we were taught that there was no shame in being nervous or afraid; what mattered was what you did in the face of fear.
While some people are impressive natural athletes, some have a never-say-die attitude that cannot be taught. The latter often go further in Jiu Jitsu and in life.
I felt confident that if Royce [Gracie] stuck to the Gracie game plan of avoiding punches and taking the fight to the ground, he could win. During the week prior to the fight, I started to get his mind ready. I told him that winning was OK, losing was OK, and dying was OK. He should be happy to be in America representing the family.
By pitting "villain" characters, like Kimo and Tank Abbott, against "hero" characters, like Royce and Ken Shamrock, the UFC was becoming more like professional wrestling--a stage on which to introduce heroes and heels. It is no coincidence that I only fought professionally in Japan, the home of the samurai and the Bushido code. Like the European knights' concept of chivalry, the Bushido code governed the conduct of Japan's samurai warriors. To them, being a warrior was not just an occupation but a way of life. The tenets of the code changed slightly over time, but they can generally be described as righteousness, courage, compassion, respect, honesty, honor, and loyalty.
A couple of time a week, I would take a snorkel and submerge my entire body in a frozen river. First came the shock of the cold, following by searing pain and anxiety, but I got to a point where I was ready to surrender and die. If you can control your breathing, you can get past this point to where the cold disappears and the pain turns into pleasure. In order to go into water that cold, I had to control myself mentally and physically.
On my last day in the mountains, I lit the big pile of wood and leaves that I collected during my stay. The flames spread upward quickly until the entire pile was engulfed. I didn't feed the fire but instead kept my eyes on it the entire time. I offered my thanks for the opportunity to be there and to represent Jiu Jitsu. In the thirty minutes it took for the fire to start and then burn itself out, I saw my entire life play out in front of me. By the time it went out, I had prayed, rid myself of any doubts or regrets, and accepted the cycle of life and death.
On the morning of the Japan Vale Tudo Open, I got to the stadium early and took a nap in the locker room. When I woke up, I thanked God for life and then acknowledged that it was a perfect day to die because my life's mission was complete. I was representing my art and my family in the ring. My opponent would have to knock me out or kill me to win, for I was never going to tap. This was not a sport to me; it was my sacred honor.
In three short bouts, I had won the Japan Open. I bowed to the crowd on the four sides of the ring but did not smile. The samurai did not celebrate victories, and neither would I. Why celebrate a victory? Your next fight might be your last. Battles are not parties. Win or lose, fights are sacred to me.
After I learned to empty my mind, I had the confidence to be humble, and humility played a big role in my progress.
The more time I spent in Japan, the more I liked it. I was amazed by the attention the Japanese paid to the tiniest details of the simplest things: the way the built a fence, the way they planted a garden, the way they turned buckwheat into soba noodles. There is beauty even in their approach to war. Not only do they uphold the values of honor, dignity, and respect, but their weapons, armor, and masks are all beautifully and meticulously constructed. Samurai swords from hundreds of years ago are still some of the finest knives ever made.
I do not believe in luck or coincidence, to me, everything is a sign that it either positive or negative. I accept the fact that forces larger than me are in charge, and I look for spiritual clues in life. For example, if I find a hawk feather in my garden, I consider it a blessing and a good sign.
I respected the Japanese relationship with food. It was not just the food; it was also the reverence they showed for their seasonal ingredients. The Japanese term washoku, which means "Japanese harmony of food," is based around Japan's four seasons and their harvests. For example, you might eat green peas and clams in the spring, shishito peppers and certain types of fish in the summer, mushrooms and eels in the fall, and greens and other types of fish in the winter. Even rice has a season: rice harvested in the early fall is considered the best. There are special plates and bowls for each season. The diner's senses and the overall experience are as important as the food. Every aspect of the meal is a celebration of both sustenance and the season. This attention to detail really humbled me.
With kids, you have to respect the fact that you are not in control of their outcomes. You plant the seeds and nurture them as best you can, but at a certain point, you have to let go. No matter how much knowledge, love, money, or advice you give them, they will fly once their own wings are strong enough. Then they will chart their own courses through life. A father must accept his children for who they are, not who he would like them to be.
I understood that there is no tomorrow, because life can change forever in the blink of an eye. I needed to do my best every day because it might be my last. I no longer had the luxury of wasted time!
Happiness is not a static thing. You have to work at it by confronting and overcoming challenges.
When money becomes more important than happiness, your life passes you by, because you can't lower your guard and enjoy yourself. Money is a tricky thing: it can bring you freedom and happiness, but it can also bring pain and anxiety.
The overwhelming majority of my students are incredibly gracious and grateful for the opportunity to learn. Those with humility and innocent curiosity are the easiest to teach, because their minds are open to new things. It is difficult to teach people to relearn things they have been doing wrong for decades. But if the spirit is willing, the mind and body will follow.
Big egos and closed minds usually come hand in hand. Occasionally, a student's shell will be so hard that I have to crack it first in order to teach them. To do this, I have to show them--not tell them--what I am teaching them works.
While I respected the top Jiu Jitsu competitors as remarkable athletes, I did not consider them complete martial artists, because they ignored the self-defense aspect of the practice. Fights in real life are unpredictable, and often your only goal is survival.
I don't care if a student is only interested in the sport of Jiu Jitsu; every blue belt needs to know how to block a punch, clinch, take someone to the ground and control them. Even more important, they need to know how to use the guard to defend against punches and head butts in the event of a real-life assault.
I wanted everything in life--a conversation with a stranger, a new project, or a Jiu Jitsu seminar--to have meaning. I refused to waste time on things that I did not value, and I left other people's expectations behind.
My cat reinforced my belief that the deeper my connections are, the more fulfilling life becomes. The Japanese have an expression, ichi-go ichi-e, which roughly translates to "once in a lifetime." It could refer to a gathering of friends, a special meal, an epic day of surf, but the idea is to savor the occasion, because it will never come again. I share this view and believe that if you see every moment in life as a unique opportunity, you live with much more intensity and precision because you are using 100 percent of your energy, your voice, and your senses. It is always important to remember that.
Helping my students try to become better people, not just smashing-machines, is what motivates me. Jiu Jitsu is my philosophy, my sacred honor, and my family tradition. It has made me strong enough to forgive and confident enough to fight for my beliefs.

Notes & Quotes - How We Live Is How We Die by Pema Chodron

The following are my favorite quotes from Pema Chodron's How We Live Is How We Die.

The term bardo is usually associated with the intermediate state between lives, but a broader translation of the word is simply "transition" or "gap". The journey that takes place after our death is one such transition, but when we examine our experience closely, we will find that we are always in transition. During every moment of our lives, something is ending and something else is beginning. This is not an esoteric concept. When we pay attention, it becomes our unmistakable experience.
The Tibetan Book of the Dead lists six bardos: the natural bardo of this life, the bardo of dreaming, the bardo of meditation, the bardo of dying, the bardo of dharmata, and the bardo of becoming.
I've always found that my greatest personal growth happens when my mind and heart are more curious than doubtful.
Death is not something that happens at the end of life. Death happens every moment. We live in a wondrous flow of birth and death. The end of one experience is the beginning of the next experience, which quickly comes to its own end, leading to a new beginning. It's like a river continuously flowing.
Our state of mind affects the world. We know how it affects the people around us. If you scowl at someone, they're more likely to scowl at another person. If you smile at them, it makes them feel good and they're more likely to smile at others. Similarly, if you become more at ease with the transitory quality of life and the inevitability of death, that ease will be transmitted to others.
The Buddha stressed impermanence as one of the most important contemplations of the spiritual path. "Of all footprints, the elephant's are outstanding," he said. "Just so, of all subjects of mediation...the idea of impermanence is unsurpassed."
What the Buddha simply called "the suffering of change," lurks in our gut as the painful knowledge that we can never really get all that we want. We can never get our life to be just the way we want it to be, once and for all. We can never reach a position where we're always feeling good.
We can look at falling in love. A big part of the thrill is the freshness this new love brings to our life. Our entire world feels fresh. But as time goes on, we start wanting everything to remain exactly the way we like it to be. This is when all-pervasive suffering rears its head and the honeymoon phase comes to an end. As the freshness fades away, the lovers begin to notice certain things, such as how the other one is stingy or overcritical. Somehow the veil is lifted and they being to find each other irritating, just for being how they are. What often happens next is they start trying to improve each other, to make their partner shape up. But that approach only makes things worse. The only way relationships really work is when both people are able to let things be and work with each other as they are. This means overcoming some of their general resistance to life as it is--rather than life as they want it to be.
All-pervasive suffering is our constant struggle against the fact that everything is wide-open, that we never know what's going to happen, that our life is unwritten and unfolds as we go along, and that there's very little we can do to control it. We experience this struggle as a persistent hum of anxiety in the background of our life. This all comes from the fact that everything is impermanent. Everything in the universe is in flux. The solid ground we walk on changes from instant to instant.
Major dislocations and reversals expose the truth underlying all our experience--that there is nothing reliable to hold on to, and that our sense of a solid, stable reality is just an illusion. Every time our bubble is burst, we have a chance to become more used to the nature of how things are. If we can see these as opportunities, we'll be in a good position to face the end of our life and to be open to whatever may happen next.
In the Tibetan worldview, our bodies are made of five elements: earth, water, fire, air, and space. The earth element is everything solid in the body: bones, muscles, teeth, and so on. The water element is the various fluids, such as blood, lymph, and saliva. The fire element is our body's warmth. The air element is our breath. The space element is the cavities within our body, all the open spaces. There is also a sixth, nonphysical element that comes into play: consciousness. According to The Tibetan Book of the Dead, during the dying process, these elements dissolve into one another, from the grossest to the subtlest.
According to Western medicine, the person is dead. Life is over. But in the Buddhist teachings, it is said that an internal process, known as the "inner dissolution," continues. In this final dissolution of our lifetime, the element of consciousness dissolves into space. This process is also unpredictable, but in general, it is said to last about twenty minutes. For this reason, the teachings recommend letting the body be, without touching or moving it, for at least that amount of time, and preferably much longer.
The inner dissolution presents us with an incredible chance, if we are prepared for it. It is said to happen in three stages which we have three strong experiences of color. First, the light of the whole environment becomes white, like a cloudless sky lit up by a full moon. Then we perceive redness, like the sky at sunset. Finally, we perceive black, like a night sky with no moon or stars. At this point, we fall into a blank state of unconsciousness and the dissolution process is complete. The next thing that happens, according to the teachings, is that an egoless me recovers consciousness and the mind is experienced in a completely naked, unobstructed way. This is sometimes referred to as "the mind of clear light and death." It only lasts for a moment, but as we will see, preparing for this experience can short-circuit the entire cycle of birth and death and cause full awakening on the spot. This is considered such a precious opportunity that all of my principal teachers have emphasized preparing for it as one of the most important endeavors of life.
We are unaware that we are not a solid, permanent entity, and that we are not separate from what we perceive. This is the big misunderstanding, the illusion of separateness.
There's no continuous individual who experiences life and death. No one lives and no one dies. Life and death, beginnings and endings, gains and losses are like dreams or magical illusions.
When we perceive something without our usual concepts, we discover shunyata, or "emptiness," an often-misunderstood word. Emptiness doesn't refer to a void: it doesn't suggest a cold, dark world in which nothing has any meaning. What it means is that everything we examine is free from--"empty" of--our conceptual interpretation, our views and opinions. Nothing in this world is fixed; nothing is permanently and definitively one way or another. All phenomena are just as they are, free of our value judgments and preconceptions.
Just as our thoughts and emotions create our experience of the world right now, in that same way, and even more intensely, they will create the environment we find ourselves in after death. If you want to experience heaven, work with your thoughts and emotions. If you want to avoid hell, work with your thoughts and emotions.
In the Buddha's teachings on karma, the teachings on cause and effect, whatever we do, say, or even think makes an imprint in our mind. When we do something once, we're likely to do it again. When we react to a situation a certain way, we're likely to react the same way next time that situation comes up. This is how propensities develop. As a result, we usually behave and react predictably. In some particular circumstances, we're very generous; in others we're self-protective. In some, we're tolerant; in others, irritable. In some, confident; in others, insecure. And every time we react in our habitual ways, we strengthen our propensities. This is similar to the findings in neuroscience that show how pathways in our brain get reinforced by our habitual actions and thinking patterns.
Because of the strong interconnected relationship between our mind and our world, we will often find that changing our mental and emotional habits has a powerful effect on our outer experience. It seems like a miracle, but it's quite simple and straightforward if you think about it. If you work with your propensity to get jealous, it will seem like there are fewer and fewer people to envy. If you work with your anger, people won't make you so mad.
When a person or event triggers painful emotions, we can distinguish between the trigger and the propensity. We can ask ourselves, as openly and objectively as possible, "What is the main cause of my suffering? Is it my supervisor or is it my propensities?" This kind of closeness and friendship with our propensities creates the right causes and conditions for them to loosen up and unwind.
Knowing how to work with our emotions is really the key to finding balance and equanimity, qualities that support us as we go forward through all the transitions and gaps that we are yet to experience.
The Dharma tells us that all our experiences of discomfort, anxiety, being disturbed, and being bothered are rooted in our kleshas. This Sanskrit term means "destructive emotions" or "pain-causing emotions." The three main kleshas are craving, aggression, and ignorance.
We can only stand in the shoes of others to the degree that we can stand in our own. When we turn a blind eye to our own emotions and propensities, we cut ourselves off from others. It's as simple as that.
In the traditional analogy, confusion and wisdom are like ice and water, which are both made of the same molecules. The only difference is that ice is frozen and water isn't.
By getting in touch with the physical sensation of our neurosis, we come to know the feeling of wisdom as well. From this point of view, wisdom feels like relaxation, expansion, openness. Instead of fighting with our emotions, we let them be. We don't act them out or repress them. We simply let them be. We simply connect with what they feel like. Instead of tightening up with our strong opinions and storylines, we relax and allow the co-emergent wisdom in our kleshas to speak for itself. If we practice in this way, our emotions themselves will become our most direct path of awakening.
An essential thing to remember, and one that will serve us well in the bardos, is that the nature of all these buddhas, those awakened beings, is no different from the nature of our own mind.
If we train ourselves as much as possible in staying open to the unpredictable, groundless appearances of this life, we may have the instinct to stay open in the bardo of dharmata and become fully awakened.
On a simple, everyday level, sacred world begins with an attitude of openness and curiosity rather than judgment and dread. When you wake up in the morning, you think, "I wonder what's going to happen today" as opposed to "I've already figured out why today is going to be miserable." Your attitude is "I'm ready for anything," rather than "Oy vey."
"Basic goodness" isn't about good and bad in the ordinary, dualistic sense. What it means is that everything is the display of wisdom. We can allow everything to be just as it is--without being for or against it, without labeling it as right or wrong, pleasant or unpleasant, ugly or beautiful. This is the attitude of basic goodness. Instead of following our ego's likes and dislikes, we can learn to enjoy phenomena just as they are. Instead of seeing everything through the filter of our habits and propensities, we can appreciate our world just as it is.
The truth is not always something we want to hear. But in order to experience our full potential as human beings, we would be wise to appreciate the truth in whatever form it appears.
It may seem like we're smelling the same lilac scent or feeling the same anger from one moment to the next, but if we slow down enough to notice the continuous, subtle movement of life, it becomes apparent how everything is in a constant state of flux and that there are lots of gaps.
It's said that in the bardo of becoming the first thing you do is go back to where you lived. You see your family. They're weeping and you don't know why. It's confusing. You try to communicate with them, but they don't reply. Then it dawns on you that they don't even know you're there. The Tibetan Book of the Dead says the pain you feel is as intense as "the pain of a fish rolling in hot sand." This is why the teachings suggest that when someone we know has just passed away, we should keep reminding them that they've died. Doing so will lighten their confusion and help them accept what's going on. We could remind them when we're beside their body, or even later at a distance. Unless someone tells them they're dead, they may go on for a long time without realizing it.
Sometimes I have conversations with friends who have died. I do this during the forty-nine days after their death, hoping to help them make a smooth transition. The main advice I give them is "Don't run. Slow down. Don't make any quick moves. Face whatever scares you." That's good advice for life as well.
Our ability to interrupt the momentum of negative thought patterns can be greatly enhance through meditation practice. I've learned this to be true from my own experience and from talking to many students about meditation over the years. The more we practice, the more we can get used to being present with thoughts, emotions, and circumstances that used to sweep us away. Instead of continuing to react solely based on habit, we can gradually develop some appropriate distance from the compelling events taking place in our mind and in our perceptions. We can get better at catching our emotions at an earlier stage, before the storylines fully kick in and turn our little sparks and embers into destructive blazes.
Our felt sense of existing as a separate, special self is at the root of all our torments in life and in death. The more we can let go of our fixation on this illusory "me" during this life, the more we'll be free of that fixation in the bardo of becoming. The more we can realize the dreamlike nature of our life right now, the better chance we'll have of realizing that the bardo of becoming is also just like a dream. And when we realize we're in a dream, we may have some say about where that dream is taking us. Then we can use the clarity of our bardo mind to make a smart choice and go toward a pure realm or a favorable rebirth where we can benefit others.
There are two kinds of warmth that soften us up and make us more decent, loving beings. One is the warmth of kindness and extending ourselves to others, thinking of them rather than remaining completely self-centered. The other is the warmth of devotion: the love for one's teachers, those who have shown us the truth. Both come from the warmth of the heart. Both make our lives deeply meaningful. Both bring down the barriers between ourselves and others.
Seeing our emotional experiences as temporary states helps us understand that they're not our true identity. Instead, they become evidence that actually we have no fixed true identity. Our true nature is beyond any realm. When we realize this fully, the lid comes off the jar and the bee is liberated.
There are countless people who live in places or situations so full of difficulty that there's no luxury of shifting one's attention from the outer world and putting one's effort into inner transformation.
How we respond to the momentary, changeable circumstances of a daily life matters equally now and when we die. As Trungpa Rinpoche said, "The present situation is important. That's the whole point, the important point."
In life we have a choice of either living in our usual unaware way--lost in our thoughts, run around by our emotions--or waking up and experiencing everything freshly, as if for the very first time.
In all the bardos of life and death, a key instruction is "Don't struggle." Whatever is happening, stay there--right with what you're feeling. Slow down and pay attention. Develop the capacity to stay in those uncomfortable, edgy places of uncertainty, vulnerability, and insecurity. Develop the capacity to flow with the continual change from bardo to bardo, from gap to gap.
The most important factor in preparing for death is to remember that how we live is how we die. If we learn to embrace impermanence, to work with our kleshas, to recognize the sky-like nature of our mind, and to open ourselves wider and wider to the experiences of life, we'll be learning both how to live and how to die. If we develop a passion to learn about the groundless, unpredictable, unfathomable nature of our world and of our mind, that will enable us to face our death with more curiosity than fear.

Notes & Quotes: Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be by Steven Pressfield

The following are my favorite quotes from Steven Pressfield's Put Your Ass Where Your Heart Wants to Be.

The only questions I ask are, Did I show up? Did I try my best? If I've done that, then I've put my butt where my heart wants to be. I can't ask anything of myself more than that.
"How much do we want it?" "What sacrifices are we willing to make to see this project succeed?" "Have we 'moved'--lock, stock, and barrel--to our inner Paris?"
It is not an idle or airy-fairy proposition to declare that the universe responds to the hero or heroine who takes action and commits. It responds positively. It comes to the hero's aid.
Work--day-in, day-out exertion and concentration--produces progress and order. That's a law of the universe.
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.
At some point the practice of our vocation moves from being a challenge that we must will ourselves into accepting and enacting to becoming simply...our life. Like a mother raising her children or a farmer tending his crops. This is our calling. This is who we are. This is what we do.
Commit to a time. The goddess doesn't just want to know where we are. She wants to know what time we start and at what hour we finish. How can she come to our aid if she doesn't know where and when to find us?
Leave your ego, leave your greed, leave your competitiveness with your comrades, leave your lust for glory and your fear and your self-doubt and your lack of belief in yourself. Leave everything but your will to victory.
Here's my frame of mind as I sit down to work: This is the day. There is no other day. This is the day.
This is the job. There is no other job. This is the job.
The primary emotion of the ego is fear; the primary emotion of the Self is love.

Notes & Quotes: The Way is in Training by Matthew Little

The following are my favorite quotes from Matthew Little's The Way is in Training.

Technical skill and physical preparedness are both useless without a commensurate development of the mind. And not just an academic or scholarly one. The warrior's mind must ride the edge of a razor like a samurai's zen or a praetorian's stoicism. In the moment, unflustered, and resolute. No attachment to consequence or reward, only process and standards. It is vital that you devote yourself to the development of this, or all of your other training will prove fruitless.
Find your standards. Find your purpose. Something worth the commitment to excellence and integrity. And then you will find the best of yourself.
Zen scholars attribute emotional suffering for attachment. A desire for the world to be what you want it to be rather than what it is. The stoics talked at length about the only variable truly in our control was how we react to reality, and that reacting with negative emotions to events we cannot change does us nothing but harm. This simple truth is one of the keys in my opinion to living an authentic and rich life.
Overconfidence and arrogance breeds complacency. And that sin causes carelessness in combat is a potentially fatal error indeed.
In life there is no stasis. There is no steady state. You are either growing and learning or you are diminishing. Challenge is the key to personal growth, the stimulus required to stave off entropy.
Look for work. It's a mindset that is valuable in every aspect of life. What needs to be done right now? What work should I be doing in this moment?
Survivor's guilt doesn't honor the dead. It's at its heart self-pitying and counterproductive. I've learned to honor our dead by living the life they should have had. The way to honor those lost is by accepting the loss and attacking life. Pay the cost, accept the loss, and learn to truly live.
When I plan my training I build everything around the strength work. Notice I said training, not "working out." In my opinion that is an important distinction. Athletes train. Every exercise is designed to elicit a performance response. Aesthetics follow function, not the opposite.
If I don't have both a deep study of and practical experience in a given topic, I won't teach it. Without personal mastery of a skill, instruction of it becomes purely academic.
Another hallmark of the professional is their maintenance of their tools. For your kit and weapons to perform for you they have to be properly cleaned and maintained. Take pride in your equipment. Treat its care as if your life depends on it, because it could.
Col. Jeff Cooper made many contributions to the tactics, training, and culture of combative firearms use in America. Of all his legacies, perhaps the most well known is his four rules of firearms safety. In the original form, they read like this: I. All guns are always loaded. II. Never let the muzzle cover anything you are not willing to destroy. III. Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target. IV. Be sure of your target.
At contact distance, footwork often trumps other elements of skill, so do not neglect it in your training.
There are performance driving schools out there offering to the public. Seek this training out. It is likely to save your life, especially as a civilian, than your shooting, tactics, or combatives.
The fight will be what it will be regardless of your plan, and the enemy gets a vote in how that unfolds.
Fights and contests are won by the individual who makes the fewest mistakes.
Every battle is won or lost before it is even fought. Battles are won in training. Make sure that when you train, every aspect of it has purpose. Every single thing you do in training should be focused and deliberate. Every rep in training, every bullet fired in practice, should be a lesson learned. Take the effort to learn how to train, and you will improve as rapidly and efficiently as possible. Proper training truly does shortcut the learning curve.
What does practice look like?

Practice needs to be frequent.
Practice needs to be deliberate.
Practice needs to be consistent.
Practice needs to be playful.

Train for the fight, instead of training like you fight.
The categories I think of when planning training are conditioning, experimentation drills, isolation drills, combination drills, validation drills and testing, and the application of skill.
Mastery is achievable. It takes not just effort, but effort intelligently applied.
You have to cultivate the awareness to diagnose where your technique is breaking down and work on improving that weakness.
Identify your weaknesses, focus on them in isolation, strengthen them in combination, then retest and repeat.
I'll add a caveat or two to your needs analysis and selecting your performance metrics. You need to build in a buffer of performance above your real-world needs into your metrics for practice. You'll always be able to execute at a higher level when you're comfortable and warmed up than you will when you are executing a cold on-demand performance.
There's a flip side to your needs analysis that has to be accounted for when you pick the metrics to use as your goals. That's your level of commitment. How much of your resources, money and time, are you willing to commit to your skill development? If your level of commitment isn't commensurate to your goals, then they won't be attainable. You can't create world class levels of skill on weekend hobbyist levels of practice.
At least a passing level of familiarity with edged and impact weapons is essential for wellrounded combative skill. Spend enough training time and effort on this, and if the need arises you'll be sufficiently prepared.
Above all, a good instructor:

is a diligent and dedicated student.
is a high performer.
has a high degree of relevant experience.

Conflict is chaotic, and the opponent gets a vote about how it unfolds. If you confuse the medium of the drills with the message they contain, you will be rigid and dogmatic instead of fluid and adaptable. Your techniques and tactics flow from your training and experience, they aren't constrained by them.
Initiative. This is the single most important factor in ensuring victory in any arena. Gaining and maintaining initiative is key. It keeps your opponents reacting to you, fighting your fight instead of their own.
Conflict is as much mental as it is physical. We need to understand that and use it to stack the odds in our favor, much like Musashi did in his duel against Kojiro. This doesn't just apply to violent conflict. The same principle holds true in office politics or a courtroom, anywhere you find yourself at odds with another. Master this, and it will serve you well.
Once violence is inevitable, the time for negotiation and de-escalation is done. Your physical response should be legally defensible and proportionate to the threat, but is should also be physically and psychologically overwhelming to your opponent. Break their will to fight. Make them recoil from you in panic and fear. Take their back and keep it until the fight is done, and they are no longer a threat.
Once you truly understand how easy it is to be killed or seriously injured, regardless of your skill level, you reserve violence for when it is truly needed. Only the naïve or arrogant long for violence.
Smother the opponent. Once you gain the initiative and dominant position, exploit that advantage. Overwhelm them physically and psychologically until you've won. Give them no space to move, no room to think, no opportunity to regroup.
Selection is a never-ending process. This applies academically, professionally, and athletically. It applies to warriors and police officers alike. It applies to artists and politicians, to accountants and bartenders. It applies in relationships and rivalries. It is a universal truth.
What matters, what really matters, is what can I do when it counts. Not intent, not past successes, just successful action now. What can I do today to earn my place at the table?
Leadership isn't privilege. Leadership is responsibility. Responsibility to the mission, and responsibility to those you lead. Mission success or failure is on you and you alone. The welfare of your subordinates, their professional development, their training and preparation, all those things become your responsibility.
What is means to be a Quiet Professional is simply this--that you present what you should, remain quiet about the things that you shouldn't share openly, and above all that your public communication is professional and dignified.
Never be afraid to change your point of view in order to align it with the way things actually are. Do this and your training will be better, your tactics will be sounder, and it will be harder to manipulate you.
I should have the right to live as I please, but only if I don't impair anyone else's ability to do so. This also doesn't abrogate the individual of a responsibility to the greater good.

Notes & Quotes: How To Be Your Own Bodyguard by Nick Hughes

The following are my favorite quotes from Nick Hughes's How To Be Your Own Bodyguard: Self Defense for Men and Women from a Lifetime of Protecting Clients in Hostile Environments.

It never made much sense to me to see guys buying guns and going to the range with the excuse that it was for self-defense when the same guy is 100 pounds overweight, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and eating a diet of fried food, pizzas, and beer. He's going to die from self-inflicted heart attack or stroke before he ever ends up needing his gun for self-defense. My argument is that if they understood the concept of self-protection as opposed to self-defense they'd make moves to remedy that.
How much longer does it take to sit in a seat where you can see the door versus the one you can't? About two seconds. Two seconds is not a long time and the potential return on that tiny investment of time is absolutely huge. For men, go into the stall of a public restroom as opposed to standing at the urinal. Two seconds. Put on boots or lace up shoes as opposed to flip flops. Two seconds. Take your weapon with you versus leave it at home. Two seconds. By now you should be getting the idea. Being prepared takes very little extra time compared to not being prepared, but the payoff is vast.
Most victims have no plan at all. The only thing they'll say when asked about their plan is "well, I just hope it never happens to me." Hope should never be part of a self-protection plan. Ask yourself this question. Would you vote for a President who, upon being asked what his plan for national defense was, replied with "well I just hope we never get attacked." Sounds ridiculous right? But right now, millions of people are protecting themselves exactly that way.
Using and understanding the acronym S.I.V.A. will help you understand the process that most attacks follow. Selection. Isolation. Verbal. Attack/Assault.
One of the keys to helping control the effects of adrenalin on the system is used by snipers, soldiers trying to shoot, and hostage rescue team members just before entry into a room with a barricaded subject, and that is simply controlled breathing. By breathing in slowly for a four count, holding for four, letting out for four, and holding for four before inhaling again, one can rapidly get on top of many of the symptoms.
The OODA loop is the process which everyone cycles through, over and over, be they individuals or even corporations, and it breaks down as follows...Observation. Orientation. Decision. Action.
Having a self-talk "script" is a very useful tool. There are many out there and they can be tailored to your specific goals. One of the best of these that I've seen, and the one that I use all the time, comes from Dennis Martin of CQB Services in the UK and it goes like this:
"I will do whatever it takes to win the fight. I may be hit. I may be cut. I may go down. I may feel pain. I may feel fear. But I will turn pain into power and I will turn fear into aggression. I will keep fighting. As long as I have breath in my body and blood in my veins. And I will win! Because I will do whatever it takes to win the the fight. I will do whatever it takes to win the fight!!!"
Develop the habit of gathering intelligence. We do it by taking five to ten seconds when exiting a building (the mall for example) or your home to pause, survey your surroundings, and take in information. The best way to do this is to break the area you're looking at into a foreground, a middle ground, and background. Begin by looking at the foreground and do it from right to left and not left to right. Why? We read from left to right and so, as a result, we tend to skim over minor details when looking in that direction. By forcing ourselves to look from the right to the left we tend to take in more information. The other step to keep in mind is that you search the foreground first, and then the middle, and then the background last. That's because anyone in the foreground is going to be the most dangerous due to their proximity.
A favorite of sexual predators at malls for example is to wait beside a victim's car in a van. As the victim approaches, the door slides open, the victim is grabbed and dragged into the car, in less than three seconds, and carted away. By pausing for the five seconds before you blindly head to your car you would have a chance to spot the suspicious vehicle and go back for assistance from mall security.
Get into the habit of locking your doors within three seconds of getting into your house, car, or hotel room. If a predator is following you to take advantage he has a limited amount of time to get into where you are by following you through the door. By locking the doors immediately, you deny him that access.
I know it's fun to work hard and spend your money on the status symbols, but you really do have to pick when and where you wear them. Walking around a third world country with a Rolex and you may as well wear a sign that says "mug me."
Special Forces usually travel in four man teams. Executive protection specialists travel in teams of anything from two to twenty-four members, juvenile gangs and bikers all travel in packs. The common denominator here is that there is safety in numbers. I want you to adopt the same methodology whenever possible and that is adopt the buddy system and least go out in pairs. Take a workout partner to the gym, car pool with someone, go shopping with a friend, etc.
Remember that criminals are opportunists, so the harder you make their job, the more likely it is that they'll pick an easier, softer target. Remember, their goal is money, not necessarily YOUR money. Anyone's will do and ensuring it's not yours is YOUR number one priority.
To be blunt, it's better to be safe than sorry. If your gut is telling you something, listen to it and then heed its warning. One day you'll be hugely thankful that you did.
You new empty mark on your car's gas gauge is now the half way mark. This is Standard Operating Procedure--SOP--with regards to security driving when protecting a principle and needs to be adopted by you as well.
Make sure you have the following in your car at all times:

A fully inflated spare tire.
A jack.
Jumper cables.
Flashlight.
Water.
Duct tape.
Flares.
First aid kit.
Survival blanket.
Tool kit.

Utterly important, and oft time ignored, the Bug In Bag--BIB--is a critical piece of kit. It is a small backpack, or equivalent, packed with some simple items that will help you get home (Bug In) in the event of a breakdown, blackout, or similar emergency. The Bug Out Bag is similar in content except it is usually bigger and contains elements to camp out and survive in the wilderness should it ever become necessary to leave home and head for the hills.
While the contents of your individual bag will vary depending on your needs and where you live, etc., some basic items should include the following:

Walking shoes.
Water.
Bandana.
Power bars.
Flashlight.
Batteries.
Lighter.
First aid kit.
Whistle.
Compass.
Dust mask.
Survival blanket.
Mutli-tool.
Swiss Army knife.
Poncho.
Hands free light.
AM/FM radio.
Handi-wipes.
Duct tape.
Paracord.
Chapstick.
Sunscreen.
Gloves.
Pry bar.

The most important part of all the above is knowing how to use it. Do not include something in your kit that you don't know how to use.
"Who's around me and what are they doing?" That's situational awareness summed up in one sentence and is the bedrock of anyone's self-protection plan.
Another major part of situational awareness is not only being aware of who is around you but also your environment. Where are the exits? What improvised weapons are available? What cover is available, and what concealment? Not a lot of stuff in commercial workplaces and/or schools will stop rifle bullets.
"If you knew you were going to be fighting a gunman for your life tomorrow what would you be doing to prepare for it today?" Another way to look at this is, "if the time to perform has arrived, the time to prepare has passed."
To be effective there are three things someone must have to win a street fight. They must have technique, they must have tactics, and they must have the correct mindset.

Notes & Quotes: Never Finished by David Goggins

The following are my favorite quotes from David Goggins's Never Finished: Unshackle Your Mind and Win the War Within.

The way we speak to ourselves in moments of doubt is crucial, whether or not the stakes are high. Because our words become actions, and our actions build habits that can coat our minds and bodies with the plaque of ambivalence, hesitancy, and passivity and separate us from our own lives. If any of this sounds familiar, grab your phone and record your inner dialogue as soon as you wake up. Don't hold back. Spill all your dread, laziness, and stress into the mic. Now listen to it. Nine times out of ten, you won't like what you hear. It will make you cringe. You wouldn't want your girlfriend or boyfriend, your boss, or your kids to hear your unfiltered weakness. But you should.
I looked at each day as an opportunity to mine the negativity that had colonized my brain and became fascinated by the power of the mind and how it can work for us and against us.
If you don't feel like you're good enough, if your life lacks meaning and time feels like it's slipping through your fingers, there is only one option. Recreate yourself in your own Mental Lab. Somewhere you can be alone with your thoughts and wrestle with the substance of what and who you want to be in your one short life on earth. If it feels right, create an alter ego to access some of that dark matter in your mind. That's what I did. In my mind, David Goggins wasn't the savage motherfucker who accomplished all the hard shit. It was Goggins who did that.
Mental toughness and resilience fade if they aren't used consistently. I say it all the time: you are either getting better, or you're getting worse. You're not staying the same.
To put it into plain text: when your self-worth goes away and you don't deal with or accept your demons, they will continue to own you, and you will become a bottom feeder.
When a half-assed job doesn't bother you, it speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. And until you start feeling a sense of pride and self-respect in the work you do, no matter how small or overlooked those jobs might be, you will continue to half-ass your life.
Allow discipline to seep into your cells until work becomes a reflex as automatic as breathing. With discipline as your medium, your life will become a work of art.
From then on, whenever I had a purpose or a task in front of me, I didn't consider it done until I'd completed it to the best of my ability. When that's the way you live your life, you no longer need a task list or an Accountability Mirror because when you see the grass is high, you cut the grass right then. If you're lagging behind in school or work, you study your ass off or stay late and take care of business. When it came time to lose one hundred pounds to become a SEAL, I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to tap back into being a disciple of discipline, but I didn't need a task list. Writing it down would have only cut into my workout time, and I didn't have a single minute to spare.
People who feel sorry for themselves are obsessed with their own problems and their own fate. Is that really much different than the greedy and egotistical people who want to feel better than everybody else?
Whether it is a seven-mile run or a 240-mile run, we all know what it's like to bargain with ourselves to avoid having to do the very thing we said we would. We say we're overworked, overwhelmed, or just over it entirely. I never give in to that because I know there are a lot of people out there who do not have that choice to make. They cannot run at all and wish like hell they could.
Once you find out who the fuck you are, the world will start delivering you care packages filled with opportunities that will fuel your quest.
When you evolve, your inner circle must evolve with you. Otherwise, you may subconsciously halt your own growth to avoid outpacing and losing contact with the people who mean a lot to you but may not be able to hang with you.
No matter what life serves me, I say, "Roger that." Most people think "Roger that," simply means, "Order received." However, in the military, some people infuse ROGER with a bit more intention and define it as, "Received, order given, expect results." When used that way, it is so much more than an acknowledgment. It's an accelerant. It bypasses the over-analytical brain and stimulates action because, in some situations, thinking is the enemy.
Most of his work was hidden, but it is within that unseen work that self-leaders are made. I suspect the reason he was capable of exceeding any and all standards consistently was because he was dedicated at a level most people cannot fathom in order to stay ready for any and all opportunities.
Think about how much information is out there on the internet. Any place you want to build your skills, from boot camp to Harvard Business School, from EMT certification to an engineering degree, is described online in granular detail. You can study the prerequisites and start on the coursework before you are even admitted. You can prepare as if you are already there so when the time comes and you do land that opportunity, you are ready to smash it. That's what a self-leader does, no matter how busy their lives are. Not because they are obsessed with being the best, but because they are striving to become their best.
Setting an example through action rather than words will always be the most potent form of leadership, and it's available to all of us. You don't have to be a great public speaker or have an advanced degree. Those things are fine and have their place, but the best way to lead a group is to simply live the example and show your team or classmates, through dedication, effort, performance, and results, what is truly possible.
My oath to self: I live with Day One, Week One mentality. This mentality is rooted in self-discipline, personal accountability, and humility. While most people stop when they're tired, I stop when I am done. In a world where mediocrity is often the standard, my life's mission is to become uncommon amongst the uncommon.
No matter what I'm doing or which arena I'm engaging in, I will always aim for greatness I know that we are all mere mortals and greatness is possible for anyone and everyone if they are willing to seek it out in their own soul.

Notes & Quotes: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

The following are my favorite quotes from Lori Gottlieb's Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

Change and loss travel together. We can't have change without loss, which is why so often people say they want change but nonetheless stay exactly the same.
One of the most important steps in therapy is helping people take responsibility for their current predicaments, because once they realize that they can (and must) construct their own lives, they're free to generate change.
Doing something prompts you to do something else, replacing a vicious cycle with a virtuous one. Most big transformations come about form the hundreds of tiny, almost imperceptible, steps we take along the way.
Idiot compassion--you avoid rocking the boat to spare people's feelings, even though the boat needs rocking and your compassion ends up being more harmful than your honesty. People do this with teenagers, spouses, addicts, even themselves. Its opposite is wise compassion, which means caring about the person but also giving him or her a loving truth bomb when needed.
The things we protest against the most are often the very things we need to look at.
We sprinkle seeds of curiosity, because therapy can't help people who aren't curious about themselves.
Whenever one person in a family system starts to make changes, even if the changes are healthy and positive, it's not unusual for other members in this system to do everything they can to maintain the status quo and bring things back to homeostasis.
Most of us come to therapy feeling trapped--imprisoned by our thoughts, behaviors, marriages, jobs, fears, or past. Sometimes we imprison ourselves with a narrative of self-punishment. If we have a choice between believing one of two things, both of which we have evidence for--I'm unlovable, I'm lovable--often we choose the one that makes us feel bad.
There is a way out--as long as we're willing to see it.
Therapists tell their patients: Follow your envy--it shows you what you want.
Regret can go one of two ways: it can either shackle you to the past or serve as an engine for change.
One of the things that surprised me as a therapist was how often people wanted to be told what to do, as if I had the right answer or as if right and wrong answers existed for the bulk of choices people make in their daily lives.
Sharing difficult truths might come with a cost--the need to face them--but there's also a reward: freedom. The truth releases us from shame.
We may want others' forgiveness, but that comes from a place of self-gratification; we are asking forgiveness of others to avoid the harder work of forgiving ourselves.
At some point, being a fulfilled adult means taking responsibility for the course of your own life and accepting the fact that now you're in charge of your choices.
Research shows that people tend to remember experiences based on how they end, and termination is a powerful phrase in therapy because it gives them the experience of a positive conclusion in what might have been a lifetime of negative, unresolved, or empty endings.
Even in the best possible relationship, you're going to get hurt sometimes, and no matter how much you love somebody, you will at times hurt that person, not because you want to, but because you're human. You will inevitably hurt your partner, your parents, your children, your closest friend--and they will hurt you--because if you sign up for intimacy, getting hurt is part of the deal.

Notes & Quotes: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning by Margareta Magnusson

The following are my favorite quotes from Margareta Magnusson's The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter.

Death cleaning is not about dusting or mopping up; it is about a permanent form of organization that makes your everyday life run more smoothly.
Going through all your old belongings, remembering when you used them last, and hopefully saying good-bye to several of them is very difficult for many of us. People tend to hoard rather than throw away.
Your exhaustion will all this stuff may appear out of the blue one day. When someone cancels a weekend visit or a dinner, you feel grateful--instead of disappointed--because you may be too tired to clean up for their visit. The problem is that you have too much stuff to deal with. It is time to change your way of living.
Do not ever imagine that anyone will wish--or be able--to schedule time off to take care of what you didn't bother to take care of yourself. No matter how much they love you, don't leave this burden to them.
Life will become more pleasant and comfortable if we get rid of some of the abundance.
Even in a fairly small family, one or several members wander about looking for keys, gloves, certificates, or cell phones. Whatever. All these things have something in common! They should, but don't yet, have a place of their own. Give everything a place and you won't feel angry, irritated, or desperate when leaving the house.
To hunt for misplaced things is never an effective use of your time. So, work to keep things organized throughout your life, and death cleaning will be easier for everyone. Your loved ones will not be happy people when they have to do your organizing for you.
Had I cleaned with my husband, it would have taken us years. Men tend to save most things rather than throw them away. That goes for even the smallest nuts and bolts. They think, and rightly sometimes, that every little thing will be useful at some later occasion.
A loved one wishes to inherit nice things from you. Not all things from you.
You really can't take everything with you, so maybe it is better to not try to own it all.
There's no sense in saving things that will shock or upset your family after you are gone.
To let things, people, and pets go when there is no better alternative is a lesson that has been very difficult for me to learn and a lesson that life, as it goes further along, is teaching me more and more often.
The more I have focused on my cleaning, the braver I become. I often ask myself, "Will anyone I know be happier if I save this?" If after a moment of reflection I can honestly answer "no", then it goes into the hungry shredder, always waiting for paper to chew. But before it goes into shredder, I have had a moment to reflect on the event or feeling, good or bad, and to know that is has been a part of my story and of my life.
It is hard for me to understand why most people find death so difficult to talk about. It is the only absolutely inevitable happening that we all have in our future.

Notes & Quotes: The 12-Hour Walk by Colin O'Brady

The following are my favorite quotes from Colin O'Brady's The 12-Hour Walk: Invest One Day, Conquer Your Mind, and Unlock Your Best Life.

I thought of the Thoreau quote I used to open this chapter: "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." It's one my very favorite quotes, a compelling reminder that too many of us are wiling to settle--to give up on our dreams. Too many of us are held back by limiting beliefs, unable to get out of our own heads and commit to living our best lives.
The Walk might sound simple--and in a lot of ways it is--but there's power in simplicity. And, one might say, magic. Without a doubt, the directions are simple to follow:

COMMIT - pick a day on your calendar to complete the 12-Hour Walk by visiting 12hourwalk.com/commit.
RECORD - before you set out on your walk, record a short video of yourself to verbalize your intentions. What limiting beliefs do you want to silence? Describe how you hope to feel when you complete the 12-Hour Walk.
UNPLUG - turn your phone on airplane mode before starting your 12-Hour Walk. The 12-Hour Walk is designed to be taken alone, with no external inputs--no companions, no headphones, no podcasts, no music, no email, no texts, no social media--for the entire twelve hours.
WALK - begin your 12-Hour Walk. Just like life, you choose the destination. Remain outside for twelve hours, walking in silence. The setting you're walking in doesn't need to be completely silent, but you do. Maintaining your silence is the key. Ambient city noise is okay.
REST - The 12-Hour Walk isn't a race. Take as many breaks as you need. It doesn't matter if you walk one mile or fifty; as long as you keep moving when you can, you're winning.
REFLECT - record a video as you finish your 12-Hour Walk. Ask yourself: How do you feel? What did you discover? What limiting beliefs did you overcome? What do you now feel capable of with your Possible Mindset?

Moments of victory can be built only on top of moments of struggle.
Too much of life is settling for good not great, with a lot of time spent in the "eh, can't complain" zone.
Discomfort is often the toll that must be paid to achieve fulfillment.
You'll rarely, if ever, be criticized by someone who's living their best life. Chances are, those people will know--and respect--the challenges of your pursuit. More often, criticism comes from those who're disappointed by the outcomes of their own lives and need a target for their frustration and insecurity.
Why do we spend time with people who don't celebrate our accomplishments and support us in our big dreams? What are we holding on to? If you can't share your good news with an old friend and count on getting back a supportive response, then it's time to swap out that old friend for a new one. Step away from friendships that seem to be running on fumes.
Prioritizing self-care is, in fact, selfless.
In life, you can choose to lean toward either scarcity or abundance. Those with a Possible Mindset choose abundance.

Notes & Quotes: Relentless by Tim S. Grover

The following are my favorite quotes from Tim S. Grover's Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable.

I'm rarely the first guy players reach out to when they want to train; I'm the last. In case of emergency, break glass. There are plenty of trainers who will just give you a workout. That is not me--we train for one thing and one thing only: a championship. Lots of guys say they'll do anything for that ring, but there's a difference between saying it and actually doing it. So when a guy commits to train with me, it means he's really serious.
You don't have to love the hard work; you just have to crave the end result.
Why should anyone want to be told what to do? The whole point of this book is that in order to be successful, to truly have what you want in your life, you must stop waiting to be told what to do and how to do it. Your goals, your decisions, your commitment. If you can't see the end result, how can anyone else see it for you?
Success is about dealing with reality, facing your demons and addictions, and not putting a smiley face on everything you do.
From this point, your strategy is to make everyone else get on your level; you're not going down to theirs. You're not competing with anyone else, ever again. They're going to have to compete with you. From now on, the end result is all that matters.
It's not about talent or brains or wealth. It's about the relentless instinctive drive to do whatever it takes--anything--to get to the top of where you want to be, and to stay there.
Why do I call them Cleaners? Because they take responsibility for everything. When something goes wrong, they don't blame others because they never really count on anyone else to get the job done in the first place. They just clean up the mess and move on.
Cleaners understand they don't have to love the work to be successful; they just have to be relentless about achieving it, and everything else in between is a diversion and a distraction from the ultimate prize.
When you're a Cleaner:

You keep pushing yourself harder when everyone else has had enough.
You get into the Zone, you shut out everything else, and control the uncontrollable.
You know exactly who you are.
You have a dark side that refuses to be taught to be good.
You're not intimidated by pressure, you thrive on it.
When everyone is hitting the "In Case of Emergency" button, they're all looking for you.
You don't compete with anyone, you find your opponent's weakness and you attack.
You make decisions, not suggestions; you know the answer while everyone else is still asking questions.
You don't have to love the work, but you're addicted to the results.
You'd rather be feared than liked.
You trust very few people, and those you trust better never let you down.
You don't recognize failure; you know there's more than one way to get what you want.
You don't celebrate your achievements because you always want more.

Those who talk don't know, and those who know don't talk.
Do. The. Work. Every day, you have to do something you don't want to do. Every day. Challenge yourself to be uncomfortable, push past the apathy and laziness and fear. Otherwise, the next day you're going to have two things you don't want to do, then three and four and five, and pretty soon, you can't even get back to the first thing. And then all you can do is beat yourself up for the mess you've created, and now you've got a mental barrier to go along with the physical barriers.
Do the work before you need it, so you know what you're capable of doing when everyone else hits that panic button and looks at you.
Make no mistake about this: emotions make you weak. Again: emotions make you weak. The fastest way to tumble out of the Zone is to allow emotions to drive your actions.
We're all born bad. Sorry, but that's the truth. Born bad, taught to be good. Or if you prefer: born relentless, taught to relent.
Stop waiting to be taught something you already know. How many millions of diet and exercise books are sold every year? I promise you, every single person who picks up one of those books already knows the answer: eat healthier and move your body. You can eat these calories or those calories, you can move this way or that way, but the result is the same, and you already know that. You bought that book already knowing what you had to do, you were just waiting for someone to tell you. Again. And instead of just making the decision to eat healthier and move more--for a lifetime, not just for twenty-one days or five hours a month or whatever the trend prescribes--you sat down with a book to analyze the situation. Trust me: no one ever lost weight sitting on the couch with a book.
Cleaner Law: control your dark side, don't let it control you. Do you want to smoke or do you have to smoke? All that nightlife--do you know when it's time to head home, or is it crushing your game? Do you drink because you like it or because you need it to cope with the pressure you feel? Can you be decent at what you do with an alcohol problem? Probably. But you can't be great. Cleaners never perform under the influence of anything; they place too much value on their mental state to allow anything to affect their minds and instincts and reflexes. Who's in charge, you or your dark side?
There's a difference between confidence and cockiness: confidence means recognizing something isn't working and having the flexibility and knowledge to make adjustments; cockiness is the inability to admit when something isn't working, and repeating the same mistakes over and over because you stubbornly can't admit you're wrong.
When a Cleaner gives you an opportunity, be ready, because he won't ask you again if you blow it. It's easier for him to just do the job himself, and if he's going down with the ship, he's going to make sure he's the captain.
Regardless of how you build that team--any team, in sports or business or any endeavor--no matter how you snap the pieces into place, you need that one guy who never needs a fire lit under him, who commands respect and fear and attention and demands that others bring the same excellence to their performance that he demands of himself. He doesn't have to be the most skilled or gifted guy on the team, but he establishes an example that everyone else can follow.
Figure out what you do, then do it. And do it better than anyone else. And then let everything else you do build around that; stay with what you know.
Interesting how the guy with the most talent and success spent more time working out than anyone else.
Each of Kobe's [Bryant] workouts takes around ninety minutes, and a half hour of that is spent just working on his wrists, fingers, ankles...all the details. That's how the best get better--they sweat the details.
Trust me: privilege is a poison unless you know how to manage it.
That's how you earn respect. Excellence in everything.
A Cleaner views people as if they're tools, each with unique, indispensable qualities. A hammer can destroy or it can build; a knife in the wrong hands can kill you, but in a doctor's hands it can heal you. A wrench doesn't do the job of a drill, it only does what a wrench is supposed to do. You're only as good as the tools you've chosen, and your ability to use them to their maximum potential.
When you're an A+ person, you want A+ people around you, and everyone has to be accountable for doing A+ work.
Fuck "try." Trying is an open invitation to failure, just another way of saying, "If I fail, it's not my fault, I tried."
If you aim at excellence, you have to be willing to sacrifice. That is the price of success. You never know how bad you want it until you get that first bitter taste of not getting it, but once you taste it, you're going to fight like hell to get that bitterness out of your mouth.