Notes & Quotes: Awareness by Anthony de Mello

The following are my favorite quotes from Anthony de Mello's Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality.

1. Most people tell you that they want to get out of kindergarten, but don't believe them. Don't believe them! All they want you to do is to mend their broken toys. "Give me back my wife. Give me back my job. Give me back my money. Give me back my reputation, my success." This is what they want; they want their toys replaced. That's all. Even the best psychologist will tell you that, that people don't really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.
2. You are never in love with anyone. You're only in love with your prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person. Take a minute to think about that: You are never in love with anyone, you're in love with your prejudiced idea of that person. Isn't that how you fall out of love? Your idea changes, doesn't it?
3. You never trust anyone. You only trust your judgment about that person. So what are you complaining about? The fast is that you don't like to say, "My judgment was lousy." That's not very flattering to you, is it? So you prefer to say, "How could you have let me down?"
4. It's only when you're sick of your sickness that you'll get out of it. Most people go to a psychiatrist or a psychologist to get relief. I repeat: to get relief. Not to get out of it.
5. When you renounce something, you're stuck to it forever. When you fight something, you're tied to it forever. As long as you're fighting it, you are giving it power. You give it as much power as you are using to fight it.
6. Are you listening for what will confirm what you already think? Or are you listening in order to discover something new? That is important.
7. You frequently interpret everything that's being said in terms of your hypnotic state or your conditioning or your programming.
8. Want to wake up? You want happiness? You want freedom? Here it is: Drop your false ideas. See through people. If you see through yourself, you will see through everyone. Then you will love them. Otherwise you spend the whole time grappling with your wrong notions of them, with your illusions that are constantly crashing against reality.
9. The trouble with people is that they're busy fixing things they don't even understand. We're always fixing things, aren't we? It never strikes us that things don't need to be fixed. They really don't. This is a great illumination. They need to be understood. If you understood them, they'd change.
10. The great masters tell us that the most important question in the world is: "Who am I?" Or rather: "What is 'I'?" What is this thing I call "I"? What is this thing I call self?
11. When "I" does not identify with money, or name, or nationality, or person, or friends, or any quality, the "I" is never threatened.
12. All suffering is caused by my identifying myself with something, whether that something is within me or outside of me.
13. Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you're living in an illusion. There's something seriously wrong with you. You're not seeing reality. Something inside of you has to change. But what do we generally do when we have a negative feeling? "He is to blame, she is to blame. She's got to change." No! The world's all right. The one who has to change is you.
14. We never feel grief when we lose something that we have allowed to be free, that we have never attempted to possess. Grief is a sign that I made my happiness depend on this thing or person, at least to some extent.
15. Perfect love casts out fear. Where there is love there are no demands, no expectations, no dependency. I do not demand that you make me happy; my happiness does not lie in you. If you were to leave me, I will not feel sorry for myself; I enjoy your company immensely, but I do not cling.
16. Someone once said, "The three most difficult things for a human being are not physical feats or intellectual achievements. They are, first, returning love for hate; second, including the excluded; third, admitting that you are wrong." But these are the easiest things in the world if you haven't identified with the "me."
17. Some say that there are only two things in the world: God and fear; love and fear are the only two things. There's only one evil in the world, fear. There's only one good in the world, love. It's sometimes called by other names. It's sometimes called happiness or freedom or peace or joy or God or whatever. But the label doesn't really matter. And there's not a single evil in the world that you cannot trace to fear. Not one.
18. Think of the last time you were angry and search for the fear behind it. What were you afraid of losing? What were you afraid would be taken from you? That's where the anger comes from.
19. What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you. You are always a slave to what you're not aware of. When you're aware of it, you're free from it. It's there, but you're not affected by it. You're not controlled by it; you're not enslaved by it. That's the difference.
20. Suffering points out that there is a falsehood somewhere. Suffering occurs when you clash with reality. When your illusions clash with reality, when your falsehoods clash with truth, then you have suffering. Otherwise there is no suffering.
21. The main preoccupation of society is to keep society sick! And the sooner you realize that, the better.
22. The person who is asleep always things he'll feel better if somebody else changes. You're suffering because you are asleep, but you're thinking, "How wonderful life would be if somebody else would change; how wonderful life would be if my neighbor changed, my wife changed, my boss changed."
23. Put this program into action, a thousand times: (a) identify the negative feelings in you; (b) understand that they are in you, not in the world, not in external reality; (c) do not see them as an essential part of "I"; these things come and go; (d) understand that when you change, everything changes.
24. Part of waking up is that you live your life as you see fit. And understand: That is not selfish. The selfish thing is to demand that someone else live their life as YOU see fit. That's selfish. It is not selfish to live your life as you see fit. The selfishness lies in demanding that someone else live their life to suit your tastes, or your pride, or your profit, or your pleasure. That is truly selfish.
25. Someday you will understand that simply by awareness you have already attained what you were pushing yourself toward.
26. Another illusion is that external events have the power to hurt you, that other people have the power to hurt you. They don't. It's you who give this power to them.
27. If you don't look at things through your concepts, you'll never be bored. Every single thing is unique.
28. My country was one country once upon a time; it's four now. If we don't watch out it might be six. Then we'll have six flags, six armies. That's why you'll never catch me saluting a flag. I abhor all national flags because they are idols. What are we saluting? I salute humanity, not a flag with an army around it.
29. The beauty of an action comes not from its having become a habit but from its sensitivity, consciousness, clarity of perception, and accuracy of response.
30. The root of sorrow is craving.
31. A terrorist to you is a martyr to the other side.
32. Ideals do a lot of damage. The whole time you're focusing on what should be instead of focusing on what is.
33. Freedom lies not in external circumstances; freedom resides in the heart.
34. When you have enjoyed something intensely, you need very little.
35. The passport to living is to imagine yourself in your grave. Imagine that you're lying in your coffin...dead. Now look at your problems from that viewpoint. Changes everything, doesn't it?
36. Every child has a god in him; our attempts to mold the child will turn the god into a devil.

Notes & Quotes: Staring Down the Wolf by Mark Divine

The following are my favorite notes from Mark Divine's Staring Down the Wolf: 7 Leadership Commitments That Forge Elite Teams.

1. Staring down the wolf means facing your deepest negative conditioned qualities, or fears, and then staring them down to reduce their impact on your life.
2. By not being clear on what I stood for and then standing that ground, I had established a new, lower standard.
3. No matter how smart and skilled you are, it is your stage of development and emotional awareness that will define your character as a leader. And your character will define how the team responds to you.
4. Failure is to be expected. Be ready for it.
5. Action is the only way to eliminate doubt.
6. There is a saying in the SOF community: "The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war."
7. Developing a stand requires that you first think through all the consequences of your decisions to all parties and to the environment.
8. Strength of character and having no regrets are more valuable than the money.
9. SEALs are fond of saying, "The only easy day was yesterday."
10. He owned the consequences just because he had been there, which was his burden of leadership.
11. Transparency of the facts and ownership of the results, particularly with your fuckups, are crucial in developing trust. Conversely, denying ownership and responsibility and failing to be transparent are the fastest ways to destroy trust.
12. Don't identify with your mistakes. Let go of any attachment to desired outcomes and quickly move on from mistakes that preclude those outcomes. Admit that you're not perfect and that you're going to screw up. And when you do, embrace the suck and learn from it--and then again move on.
13. Develop the muscle of committing only to the most important actions, and then follow through relentlessly.
14. Respect like that is built upon three key character traits: integrity, authenticity, and clarity.
15. The sooner you can appreciate your own limitations and become aware of your shadow, the sooner you can start to integrate and become more authentic, and free.
16. Pay attention to what triggers you in your team or bosses. As the experts, "if you spot it in others, you got it in yourself."
17. Challenging comfort is a lifestyle.
18. Being a good follower means constantly setting your ego aside and letting go of the need to be right or in charge. You will stop judging the effectiveness of the leadership of others, because you don't want them to do that to you. Instead, every instance of leadership, regardless of who is in charge, becomes an opportunity to improve the entire team's effectiveness.
19. One "aw shit" wipes out a thousand attaboys.
20. The curious will never be satisfied and always ask versions of four key questions: Why is this being done this way? What should be done instead? How can we do it better? Who is the right person or team to do it?
21. Travel light and don't get attached to your stuff.
22. Commit now to simplify things and get really clear about what's important and what's not. When you reach that level of clarity--where you're aware of what your immediate mission is moment to moment, things start to really take off. Here are some focusing questions I use myself to keep things simple: Is what I am doing right now (or about to do) in alignment with my (or ours if a team) mission? What's the most important thing I can focus on right now--that will move me toward mission accomplishment? Does this idea or new project pass the FITS (fit, importance, timing, simplicity) test? Can I say no to this in service to a higher yes? Is this process worthy of breaking to improve?
23. The three traits of resiliency worthy of deeper discussion: adaptability, persistence, and learning.
24. Reacting negatively to failure leads to more destabilization, worsening an already bad situation.
25. The power of optimism and a positive mindset cannot be understated.
26. The pecking order is team first, teammate second, and you last. When this practice is instilled in your group, soon the team is taking care of your gear, asking how they can help you, and making your life easier. When your entire team has your back like this, and you have theirs, you tap into maximum leverage. This becomes a habit, and as the team experiences the mutual benefit, they are less likely to go back to self-serving behavior. You are then not doing it for the transactional intent, but because it is who you are as a person.
27. One of the key practices for learning fast is one we've mentioned before: saying no in service to the larger yes, choosing what not to learn so that you can focus radically on what you should know and learn. Develop the courage to say no to the wrong skills and knowledge in order to simplify your life. That way you will have less clutter and more time to learn the right things.
28. Is easy to fall for the notion that you have to expect some big egos when you are working with high performers. That is a stale idea and certainly not true in high-risk industries, or for that matter, in any situation. Egotistical leaders are dangerous and should not be invited to the party.
29. It is effective to ask and answer: What's working and what isn't? How do we fill the gaps? What are the culture and discipline issues? How best do we address them?
30. Trust is diminished when a leader doesn't share.
31. Never rest on yesterday's accomplishments.
32. In the SEALs, we were trained to seek the smallest actions that would lead to the biggest results. Then we would radically focus on those actions to completion. We would repeat this process until we dominated.
33. The distance one places between suffering and breaking is what defines the spirit of an individual.
34. Staring down the wolf requires daily work to evolve your body, mind, and spirit. Embrace the suck of that work, get comfortable with discomfort, and learn to appreciate the accelerated growth that will come from it. On the journey, remember these three things: Self-mastery is an EVERYDAY practice. We must take ownership of our own evolution. This will stoke your courage and breathe fire into your other commitments. This is not just about you. Every time you do the work, you are impacting your team, and humanity, positively.
35. Check your ego and do this for the team. You must discover your unique calling and serve from that place. Humanity needs your unique skills and world-centric care.
36. Your "basic training" is to carve out fifteen minutes each morning. During this time do five to ten minutes of deep diaphragmatic box breathing, followed by five to ten minutes of mindfulness; finish by journaling the patterns and ideas that came up.
37. Acknowledge that you're capable of at least twenty times more than you think you are. Then, go out and prove it.

Notes & Quotes: Anything You Want by Derek Sivers

The following are my favorite quotes from Derek Sivers' Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur:

1. These are my philosophies from the ten years I spent starting and growing a small business. Business is not about money, it's about making dreams come true for others and for yourself. Making a company is a great way to improve the world while improving yourself. When you make a company, you make a utopia. It's where you design your perfect world. Never do anything just for the money. Don't pursue business just for your own gain. Only answer the calls for help. Success comes from persistently improving and inventing, not from persistently promoting what's not working. Your business plan is moot. You don't know what people really want until you start doing it. Starting with no money is an advantage. You don't need money to start helping people. You can't please everyone, so proudly exclude people.
2. Make yourself unnecessary to the running of your business. The real point of doing anything is to be happy, so do only what makes you happy.
   
3. Don't waste years fighting uphill battles against locked doors. Improve or invent until you get that huge response.
4. If you're not saying, "Hell yeah!" about something, say no. When deciding whether to do something, if you feel anything less than "Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yeah!" then say no.
5. Never forget that absolutely everything you do is for your customers. Make every decision--even decisions about whether to expand the business, raise money, or promote someone--according to what's best for your customers. If you're even unsure what to prioritize, just ask your customers the open-ended question, "How can I best help you now?" Then focus on satisfying those requests.
   
6. It's a big world. You can loudly leave out 99 percent of it.
7. Please don't think you need a huge vision. Just stay focused on helping people today.
8. Never forget why you're really doing what you're doing. Are you helping people? Are they happy? Are you happy? Are you profitable? Isn't that enough?
9. How do you grade yourself? It's important to know in advance, to make sure you're staying focused on what's honestly important to you, instead of doing what others think you should.
10. Any business that's in business to sell you a cure is motivated not to focus on prevention.
11. The Tao of business: Care about your customers more than about yourself, and you'll do well.
12. There's a benefit to being naive about the norms of the world--deciding from scratch what seems like the right thing to do, instead of just doing what others do.
13. There's a big difference between being self-employed and being a business owner. Being self-employed feels like freedom until you realize that if you take time off, your business crumbles. To be a true business owner, make it so that you could leave for a year, and when you came back, your business would be doing better than when you left. 
14. Make sure you know what makes you happy, and don't forget it. 
15. Whatever you make, it's your creation, so make it your personal dream come true.

Tomorrow Never Comes

If you're anything like me, there have been times when we've set a date for sometime in the future when we're finally going to do x, y, or z. 

• "I'm going to get in shape." 
• "I'm going to start eating healthy." 
• "I'm going to start watching my alcohol consumption." 
• "I'm going to start saving money."

Often, for me anyway, that date comes and goes and I'm stuck in the same position (or worse) without making any significant progress toward creating the life that I seek for myself.

The problem with setting future dates is that it gives us satisfaction that we did some sort of work. "Look, I created these goals." The reality is that tomorrow is going to be just like today if we don't do something about it. There's no magical switch that we can flip so that our vision becomes a reality. It's not going to make a difference that December 31st becomes January 1st.

Additionally, we need to stop waiting for somebody or something to come and save us. The only person that can save us is ourselves. The world-at-large is simply too busy living their own life to give a damn. We got ourselves into this situation and we're the only ones with the power and responsibility to fix it.

If it's truly important to us, we must start now. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Identify the smallest possible step and act on it immediately. Build upon it over and over again. Day in and day out. It's the only way. When we fall off the horse, we don't beat ourselves up. We accept it and move on. We learn. We do better next time.

Our best selves and the life we were meant to live is waiting for us. We have to stop wasting time and execute. Right now!

Notes & Quotes: Secular Buddhism by Noah Rasheta

The following are my favorite quotes from Noah Rasheta's Secular Buddhism: Eastern Thought for Western Minds.

1. "The secret of Buddhism is to remove all ideas, all concepts, in order for the truth to have a chance to penetrate, to reveal itself." Thich Nhat Hanh
2. The essence of Buddhism is to discover that there are two realities: reality the way it is and reality the way we think it is.
3. There isn't room for new awareness or understanding in a mind already filled with ideas and beliefs.
4. We humans have a tendency to want to search for answers to questions that are frankly irrelevant. 
5. Spirituality is really just a combination of two things: connection and meaning.
6. When we seek connection and meaning, we're on a spiritual path.
7. "Declarations of high confidence mainly tell you that an individual has constructed a coherent story in his mind, not necessarily that the story is true." Daniel Kahneman
8. The anger we feel around a situation has nothing to do with the situation itself, and everything to do with the story we tell ourselves about it.
9. Victor Frankl, a holocaust survivor and the author of Man's Search for Meaning, talks about how there is a space between the stimulus and our response, and in that space we have the freedom to act. This is the sense of freedom that is important on the spiritual path. There is no freedom in reactivity.
10. From the Buddhist perspective, faith is simply the attitude of being open to whatever may be, and not attaching to an idea or belief of how we want or expect things to be.
11. As Koyo Kubose likes to say: "Wisdom is nothing more than the attitude of adaptability."
12. The Four Noble Truths:
1. There is suffering.
2. The cause of suffering.
3. The cessation of suffering.
4. The path to end suffering.
13. This is the cause of suffering: suffering emerges when we want life to be other than it is.
14. Wanting to change others is wanting for life to be other than it is, which is the very definition of suffering. 
15. Letting go is an act of liberation rather than a sacrifice.
16. The Eightfold Path:
1. Wise understanding.
2. Wise intent.
3. Wise speech.
4. Wise action.
5. Wise livelihood.
6. Wise effort.
7. Wise mindfulness.
8. Wise concentration.
17. Buddhism if often referred to as a practice because you're always practicing to be a better whatever you already are. The Eightfold Path can serve as a guideline for the specific areas of our lives where we can focus on becoming better versions of ourselves.
18. The water in a river is continually flowing and changing, so it's always a new river. The fire from a candle is continually flickering and burning more fuel, so therefore it's constantly a new fire. Life is constantly changing from moment to moment. All things are constantly changing and evolving...all things are impermanent.
19. The understanding of emptiness is that all things are empty of meaning until we assign meaning to those things.
20. This is emptiness. It's the understanding that as life unfolds, it doesn't mean anything...and that's not a positive or a negative thing (who knows what is good and what is bad). All things are simply as they are.
21. "It's not happiness that makes us grateful; it's gratefulness that makes us happy." Brother David Steindl-rast
22. Simply stated, karma is the law of cause and effect within a system of interdependence.
23. In this incredible vastness of space and time, at some point, you and I came into existence. Through absolutely no effort on our part, we each suddenly became alive and conscious.
24. From the Buddhist perspective, birth and death are not the beginning and end of life. Death is simply the culmination of the phase that started with birth but the overall process of life started long before and will continue long after our individual birth and death.
25. There is no need to fear death because while death may be the end of the song, it is not the end of the music.
26. What is there about us that is permanent? There is nothing. When the building blocks of our identity are removed, what do we have left? We have an empty person that we do not know. We've been living with ourselves, like a stranger for a roommate that we've never actually met.
27. We can begin here and now to make life meaningful by understanding that meaning isn't out there waiting to be found, it's in you, waiting to be created.
28. Buddhism teaches us that there is no need for regret. The present moment is the result of the past and it can't be changed. We only experience regret when we compare the present moment as it is to how we think the present moment should be.
29. Of all the goals we an aspire to be, we serve ourselves and the world best when we aspire to discover and become exactly who we are.
30. One of the most difficult and dangerous ways that suffering shows up is in the labels and titles we add to ourselves...The thing is, labels never define the reality of ourselves, because they represent who we think we are, not who we actually are.
31. When we learn to look in we awaken to one of the key teachings found in Buddhism: that we are already perfect. We always have been.
32. Try removing the ideas and concepts you have about people and situations in your life and see what happens. Perhaps you will suddenly see something that was there all along but you were blind to it all this time This is what it means to be awake, to be capable of seeing ourselves and others as we see the clouds--perfect shapes that are constantly changing and interdependent with their environment.

Notes & Quotes: Leadership Strategy and Tactics by Jocko Willink

The following are my favorite quotes from Jocko Willink's Leadership Strategy and Tactics: Field Manual.

1. By detaching physically, even if only by a few inches, and, more important, detaching mentally from the problem at hand--I was able to see infinitely more than anyone else in my platoon. And since I was able to see everything, I was able to make a good decision, which allowed me, a new guy and the most junior guy in the platoon, to lead.
2. This was a tangible and physical action that represented pure humility. Delta Charlie was the most senior man in the platoon; he also had the most experience. But there he was, taking out the garbage. And yet I was too good to do it?
3. I realized I didn't always need to lead. I didn't need to be at the center of decision-making. I realized it was my job to support the team and the mission, which meant supporting the boss.
4. Keep things simple is an ancient military maxim that holds true for any type of planning.
5. By trying to do everything, he was accomplishing nothing. He needed to figure out his biggest priority problem and execute a plan to fix that problem before moving on to the next one. He needed to Prioritize and Execute.
6. The Laws of Combat:
1. Cover and move.
2. Simple.
3. Prioritize and execute.
4. Decentralized command.
7. Without coordination between individuals, between elements within a team, and between teams, all is lost.
8. Ask yourself if you will be moving your relationship with your boss forward or backward by raising this issue. This is important because you should be constantly trying to build that relationship. You are not building the relationship so you can garner favor from the boss; no, you are trying to build a relationship so the boss trusts you and will listen to you so you and the team can more effectively accomplish the mission.
9. Solid relationships up and down the chain of command are the basis of all good leadership.
10. Until you are asked to do something that is devastating to you, the team, and the mission, play the game and build the relationships.
11. There is one type of person who can never become a good leader: a person who lacks humility. People who lack humility cannot improve because they don't acknowledge their own weaknesses. They don't work to improve them, and they won't bring someone onto the team to offset their shortfalls. This person will never improve. Beware.
12. While there are many similarities between leaders and manipulators, there is one glaring difference: manipulators are trying to get people to do things that will benefit the manipulator, while leaders are trying to get people to do things that will benefit the team and the people themselves.
13. A leader puts themselves at the bottom of the priority list. The good of the mission and the good of the team outweigh any personal concern a true leader has for themselves.
14. Lead from the front, especially when things are bad. You take the pay cut. You take the first shift of the overtime work. As a leader, do the hard things. Don't leave it to the troops.
15. There are many components for learning to lead. One of the most important is to try to see everything through the lens of leadership. In any group of people, leadership is occurring. Pay attention to that. Observe what works and what doesn't. Note the successful and unsuccessful techniques leaders use--how they talk, words they use, interactions they carry out. Think about how you can apply these techniques.
16. If two people trust each other, they have a relationship; if there is no trust, there is no relationship.
17. Taking Extreme Ownership means that leaders are responsible for every action the people on their team make. It is as simple as that.
18. A good rule to follow is that a leader should err on the side of not getting involved in problems; the goal is always to allow problems to get solved at the lowest level. When subordinates are solving low-level problems, it allows the leader to focus on more important, strategic issues.
19. The easy path leads to misery. The path of discipline leads them to freedom.
20. Optimal discipline in a team is not imposed by the leader; it is chosen by the team itself. Optimal discipline is self-discipline.
21. While a bad team is without question the result of a bad leader, a good team is not necessarily the result of a good leader. You must know your people well enough to recognize and capitalize on that fact.
22. Here are some fundamental rules to keep in mind as you take command: Be humble. It is an honor to be in a leadership position. Your team is counting on you to make the right decisions. Don't act like you know everything. You don't. The team knows that. Ask smart questions. Listen. Ask for advice and heed it. Treat people with respect. Regardless of rank, everyone is a human being and plays an important role in the team. Treat them that way. Take care of your people and they will take care of you. Take ownership of failures and mistakes. Pass credit for success up and down the chain. Work hard. As the leader, you should be working harder than anyone else on the team. No job is beneath you. Have integrity. Do what you say; say what you do. Don't lie up or down the chain of command. Be balanced. Extreme actions and opinions are usually not good. Be decisive. When it is time to make a decision, make one. Build relationships. That is your main goal as a leader. A team is a group of people who have relationships and trust one another. Otherwise, it is just a disconnected, incoherent cluster of people. Lastly, get the job done. That is the purpose of a leader--to lead a team in accomplishing a mission. If you don't accomplish the mission, you fail as a leader. Performance counts.
23. As human beings, we have a strong tendency to get defensive. Don't. Instead of getting defensive, listen, truly listen, and try to understand the perspective being offered. Then take ownership of those shortfalls and try to make improvements in the areas of critique you have received.
24. There is an implicit message when you offer to coach or mentor someone--you are implying not only that the other person is lacking in some areas but also that you are better than they are!
25. The people who taught me the most about leadership, strategy, and tactics never explicitly told me they were coaching or mentoring me; they subtly guided me along the path, filling my head with knowledge, while I barely even noticed it. They managed to teach me without teaching me, putting ideas into my brain so delicately that I thought the ideas were my own. That is the most powerful way to teach, coach, and mentor.
26. Be decisive when you need to be, but try not to make decisions until you have to. Assess what is happening to the best of your ability with the information you have, and then make smaller decisions with minimum commitment to move in the direction you most highly suspect is the right one.
27. I much prefer someone I have to reel in over someone I need to push. It wasn't only when I was a leader that I liked that. Even as a junior member of the team, I always loved when the other members were ready to get after it.
28. No matter what goes wrong, there is always some good to find in the setback. A negative attitude will spread throughout the team, as will a positive one, so it is important for a leader to maintain a positive attitude.
29. While it is important to maintain a positive attitude about what is going on, don't ignore problems, and don't gloss over the trials you face. Be positive, but be realistic.
30. One of the best tools a leader has to help shape others is leadership itself; giving people responsibility and putting them in leadership positions teaches them to be better in a multitude of ways.
31. Take the high ground, or the high ground will take you.
32. Before taking that intense level of direct oversight, normal leadership procedures should take place. Make sure an individual understands the mission, the goal, and their specific role. Make sure they clearly understand the task required of them and all the expectations around that task.
33. If your boss wants all the credit, the answer is simple: give it to them.
34. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.
35. If for some reason your troops don't execute the plan, then, of course, you should first look in the mirror. Do not assume the troops have simply decided not to do what was required of them; instead, assume you did not give them appropriate direction and that is the reason for the transgression.
36. The environment that rumors grow in is one in which there is a lack of information. If you don't tell people what is going on, they will make up their own versions, and their versions will not be pretty ones.
37. I'm often asked if there are any scenarios when the leader is not fully responsible for the performance of his or her team. The answer is no. If a team is not performing, then it is the leader's fault; the leader has not trained and mentored the team members to where they can accomplish the mission. If a team doesn't have time to train, then the leader has not made training a priority or run it up the chain of command to get the support needed. If members of the team are simply incapable of performing the duties required of them, then the leader hasn't done his or her job of removing the substandard performers.
38. Think before you speak, and measure your words carefully.
39. Foster shared emotions--reflect their emotions but diminish them so they de-escalate, and you can focus on actually solving the problem at hand. Reflect and Diminish.
40. Since it was the first time he had ever seen me yell, he instantly understood the seriousness of the situation. During my entire career, I never had to yell at someone twice.
41. Don't waste your words. Let other people do that; instead, speak with poignancy and power.
42. If I make a mistake, I am going to own it. If someone else makes a mistake and no one will own it, I will own that too. Perhaps that is why I so often found myself in leadership positions; I was willing to own things. I was willing to take the hit, to take the daggers from others. I was willing to apologize, own mistakes, and move forward. I recommend you do the same.
43. Be judicious and thoughtful about what you say, who you say it to, and how you say it.
44. If you are in a leadership position, the team is watching you. Your people are watching your attitude. They are watching your behavior, and they don't miss a thing. If you are late for a meeting, they notice it. If you roll your eyes, they notice it. If you yawn, they are watching and are thinking you are tired or bored or both. The team members are watching everything, and on top of that, they will imitate what they see. If you are late, they will be late too. If you dress like a slob, they will dress that same way. If you break the rules, they will also break the rules, so you have to behave correctly at all times. You have to be the ideal.
45. As a leader, you must remember you are being watched. And in everything you do, you must set the example.
46. It is all on you, but not about you.
47. Leadership is not about you. Not at all. Leadership is about the team. The team is more important than you are. The moment you put your own interests above the team and above the mission is the moment you fail as a leader.

Notes & Quotes: Trillion Dollar Coach by Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenberg, and Alan Eagle

The following are my favorite quotes from Trillion Dollar Coach: The Leadership Playbook of Silicon Valley's Bill Campbell.

1. To be a great manager, you have to be a great coach.
2. All too often, internal competition takes center stage, and compensation, bonuses, recognition, and even office size and location become the ways to keep score. This is problematic: in such an environment, selfish individuals can beat altruistic ones.
3. To balance the tension and mold a team into a community, you need a coach, someone who works not only with individuals but also with the team as a whole to smooth out the constant tension, continuously nurture the community, and make sure it is aligned around a common vision and set of goals.
4. The path to success in a fast-moving, highly competitive, technology-driven business world is to form high-performing teams and give them the resources and freedom to do great things.
5. Your title makes you a manager. Your people make you a leader.
6. Bill felt that leadership was something that evolved as a result of management excellence. "How do you bring people around and help them flourish in your environment? It's not by being a dictator. It's not by telling them what the hell to do. It's making sure that they feel valued by being in the room with you. Listen. Pay attention. This is what great managers do."
7. The manager's job is to run a decision-making process that ensures all perspectives get heard and considered, and, if necessary, to break ties and make the decision.
8. Define the "first principles" for the situation, the immutable truths that are the foundation for the company or product, and help guide the decision from those principles.
9. Compensation isn't just about the economic value of the money; it's about the emotional value. It's a signaling device for recognition, respect, and status, and it ties people strongly to the goals of the company.
10. If you have the right product for the right market at the right time, go as fast as you can.
11. The purpose of a company is to bring a product vision to life. All the other components are in service to product.
12. Only coach the coachable.
13. The traits of coachability Bill sought were honesty and humility, the willingness to persevere and work hard, and a constant openness to learning.
14. Listen to people with your full and undivided attention--don't think ahead to what you're going to say next--and ask questions to get to the real issue.
15. Don't tell people what to do; offer stories and help guide them to the best decision for them.
16. Bill's guiding principle was that the team is paramount, and the most important thing he looked for and expected in people was a "team-first" attitude. Teams are not successful unless every member is loyal and will, when necessary, subjugate their personal agenda to that of the team.
17. Bill looked for four characteristics in people. The person has to be smart, not necessarily academically but more from the standpoint of being able to get up to speed quickly in different areas and then make connections. Bill called this the ability to make "far analogies." The person has to work hard, and has to have high integrity. Finally, the person should have that hard-to-define characteristic: grit. The ability to get knocked down and have the passion and perseverance to get up and go at it again.
18. When change happens, the priority has to be what is best for the team.
19. Identify the biggest problem, the "elephant in the room," bring it front and center, and tackle it first.
20. Whether in business or in sports, it's amazing what can be accomplished if you don't care who gets the credit.
21. Strive to win, but always win right, with commitment, teamwork, and integrity.
22. Leading teams becomes a lot more joyful, and the teams more effective, when you know and care about the people.
23. [Bill] had a very special place in his heart for the people who have the guts and skills to start companies. They are sane enough to know that every day is a fight for survival against daunting odds and crazy enough to think they can succeed anyway. And retaining them in a meaningful way is essential to success in any company.
24. To be successful, companies need to have teams that work together as communities, where individuals integrate their interests and put aside differences to be individually and collectively obsessed with what's good and right for the company. Since this doesn't naturally happen among groups of people, especially high-performing, ambitious people, you need someone playing the role of a coach, a team coach, to make it happen. Any company that wants to succeed in a time where technology has suffused every industry and most aspects of consumer life, where speed and innovation are paramount, must have team coaching as a part of its culture.
25. Bill grasped that there are things we all care about as people--love, family, money, attention, power, meaning, purpose--that are factors in any business situation. That to create effective teams, you need to understand and pay attention to these human values.
26. Don't just do a portfolio of things. Whatever you get involved with, have accountability and consequence. Drive it.

Notes & Quotes: The Infinite Game by Simon Sinek

The following are my favorite notes from Simon Sinek's The Infinite Game.

1. When we say things like "people must come before profit," we often face resistance. Many of those who control the current system, many of our current leaders, tell us we are naive and don't understand the "reality" of how business really works. As a result, too many of us back down. We resign ourselves to waking up dreading to go to work, not feeling safe when we are there and struggling to find fulfillment in our lives. So much so that the search for that elusive work-life balance has become an entire industry unto itself.
2. Great leaders set up their organizations to succeed beyond their own lifetimes, and when they do, the benefits -- for us, for business and even for the shareholder -- are extraordinary.
3. A finite-minded leader uses the company's performance to demonstrate the value of their own career. An infinite-minded leader uses their career to enhance the long-term value of the company...and only part of that value is counted in money.
4. Just because a company is big and has enjoyed financial success does not mean it is strong enough to last.
5. Any leader who wants to adopt an infinite mindset must follow five essential practices:
1. Advance a just cause.
2. Build trusting teams.
3. Study your worthy rivals.
4. Prepare for existential flexibility.
5. Demonstrate the courage to lead.
6. When their is a Just Cause, a reason to come to work that is bigger than any particular win, our days take on more meaning and feel more fulfilling. Feelings that carry on week after week, month after month, year after year. 
7. Leaders can rally people against something quite easily. They can whip them into a frenzy, even. For our emotions can run hot when we are angry or afraid. Being for something, in contrast, is about feeling inspired. Being for ignites the human spirit and fills us with hope and optimism. Being against is about vilifying, demonizing or rejecting. Being for is about inviting all to join in common cause. Being against focuses our attention on the things we can see in order to elicit reactions. Being for focuses our attention on the unbuilt future in order to spark our imaginations.
8. Money is the fuel to advance a Cause, it not a Cause itself.
9. The order in which a person presents information more often than not reveals their actual priorities and the focus of their strategies.
10. The constant abuse since the late 1970s has left us with a form of capitalism that is now, in fact, broken. It is a kind of bastardized capitalism that is organized to advance the interests of a few people who abuse the system for capital gain, which has done little to advance the true benefits of capitalism as a philosophy (as evidenced by anticapitalist and protectionist movements around the globe). Indeed, the entire philosophy of shareholder primacy and Friedman's definition of the purpose of business was promoted by investors themselves as a way to incentivize executives to prioritize and protect their finite interests above all else.
11. The Economic Policy Institute reported that in 1978, the average CEO made approximately 30 times the average worker's salary. By 2016, the average has increased over 800 percent to 271 times the average worker's pay. Where the average CEO has seen a nearly 950 percent increase in their earnings, the American worker, meanwhile, has seen just over 11 percent in theirs.
12. If our goal is to build companies that can keep playing for lifetimes to come, then we must stop automatically thinking of shareholders as owners, and executives must stop thinking that they solely work for them. A healthier way for all shareholders to view themselves is as contributors, be they near-term or long-term focused. Whereas employees contribute time and energy, investors contribute capital (money). Both forms of contribution are valuable and necessary to help a company succeed, so both parties should be fairly rewarded for their contributions.
13. In our modern day and age, it is the employee who bears the most cost for the money companies and their leaders make. They are the ones who must worry every time the company misses its arbitrary projections whether they will be sent home without the means to provide for themselves and their families. It is the employee who comes to work and feels that the company and its leaders do not care about them as human beings (note: offering free food and fancy offices is not the thing that makes people feel cared for). People want to be treated fairly and share in the wealth they helped produce in payment for the cost they bear to grow their companies.
14. So many leaders, even some of the best-intentioned ones, often ask, "how do I get the most out of my people?" This is a flawed question, however. A better question to ask is, "How do I create an environment in which my people can work to their best?"
15. It's not the people doing the job, it's the people who lead the people doing the job who can make the greater difference.
16. How a leader lists their priorities reveals their bias. And their bias will influence the choices they make.
17. Our goal, as leaders, is to ensure that our people have the skills -- technical skills, human skills or leadership skills -- so that they are equipped to work to their natural best and be a valuable asset to the team.
18. The Marine Corps focuses on assessing the inputs, the behaviors, rather than the outcomes. And for good reason. They know that good leaders sometimes suffer mission failure and bad leaders sometimes enjoy mission success. The ability to succeed is not what makes someone a leader. Exhibiting the qualities of leadership is what makes someone an effective leader. Qualities like honesty, integrity, courage, resiliency, perseverance, judgment and decisiveness, as the Marines have learned after years of trial and error, are more likely to engender the kind of trust and cooperation that, over the course of time, increase the likelihood that a team will succeed more often than it fails. A bias for will before resources, trust before performance, increases the probability a team will perform at higher levels over time.
19. One of the primary jobs of any leader is to make new leaders.
20. I personally find it quite troubling when executives take credit for their "culture of performance," yet take no responsibility for a culture consumed by ethical fading.
21. Disruption, remember, is often a symptom of a finite mindset. Leaders playing with a finite mindset often miss the opportunity to use a disruptive event in their industry to clarify their Cause. Instead, they double down on the finite game and simply start copying what the other players are doing with the hope that it will work for them too.
22. Instead of leading the digital revolution, Kodak's executives chose to close their eyes, put their fingers in their ears and try to convince themselves that everything was gonna be just fine. And I guess it was...for a time. But it didn't last. It couldn't last. Finite strategies never do.
23. Finite thinkers do not appreciate that an investment in people will ultimately benefit the company, the customer and their investments.

Notes & Quotes: The Power of Meaning by Emily Esfahani Smith

The following are my favorite quotes from Emily Esfahani Smith's The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness.

1. These humbling rituals were important to the Sufis, helping them break down the self, which Sufi teaching considers a barrier to love.
2. When people say that their lives have meaning, it's because three conditions have been satisfied: they evaluate their lives as significant and worthwhile--as part of something bigger; they believe their lives make sense; and they feel their lives are driven by a sense of purpose.
3. The search for meaning is far more fulfilling than the pursuit of personal happiness.
4. The only truth we can absolutely know, Tolstoy believed, is that life ends with death and is punctuated by suffering and sorrow. We and all that we hold dear--our loved ones, our accomplishments, our identities--will eventually perish. 
5. The most important parts of life require hard work and sacrifice.
6. To live well, we should take to heart the wisdom we learned in our younger years. Only by facing challenges head-on can we truly find meaning in our lives.
7. The four pillars of meaning: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and transcendence.
8. We all need to feel understood, recognized, and affirmed by our friends, family members, and romantic partners. We all need to give and receive affection. We all need to find our tribe. In other words, we all need to feel that we belong.
9. When the hospital cleaners experienced these high quality connections, their relationship to their work changed. They saw themselves as caregivers rather than merely janitors, and they felt more closely tied to the mission of the hospital, which is to heal patients. Small inconsiderate acts, on the other hand, made them reevaluate the significance of their work, their ability to perform their tasks competently, and, even more gravely, their own worth as people.
10. Meaning largely lies in others. Only through focusing on others do we build the pillar of belonging for both ourselves and for them. If we want to find meaning in our own lives, we have to begin by reaching out.
11. Living purposefully requires self-reflection and self-knowledge. Each of us has different strengths, talents, insights, and experiences that shape who we are. And so each of us will have a different purpose, one that fits with who we are what we value--one that fits our identity.
12. Kant asks us to consider a man--one like so many of us today--who "finds in himself a talent that by means of some cultivation could make him a useful human being in all sorts of respects. However, he sees himself in comfortable circumstances and prefers to give himself up to gratification rather than to make the effort to expand and improve his fortunate natural predispositions."
13. The ability to find purpose in the day-to-day tasks of living and working goes a long way toward building meaning.
14. The paradox of transcendence simultaneously makes individuals feel insignificant and yet connected to something massive and meaningful.
15. "Mindfulness," as one of its most famous teachers, Jon Kabat-Zinn, has put it, "means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.
16. The self-loss felt during a transcendent experience is sometimes called "ego death," and it prepares us for the final loss of self we will all experience: death itself.
17. Most people have heard about how post-traumatic stress disorder can unravel a person. Fewer have heard about post-traumatic growth...Researchers have found that anywhere from half to two-thirds of trauma survivors report post-traumatic growth, while only a small percentage suffer from PTSD.
18. After studying a wide array of survivors, Tedeschi and Calhoun identified five specific ways that people can grow after a crisis.
1. Their relationships strengthen.
2. They discover new path and purposes in life.
3. The trauma allows them to find their inner strength.
4. Their spiritual life deepens.
5. They feel a renewed appreciation for life.
19. For those who are less resilient, reframing the task as a challenge erased the gap: those who were told to approach the task as an opportunity rather than a threat suddenly started looking like resilient people in their cardiovascular measures. They were able to bounce back.
20. As mush as we might wish, none of us will be able to go through life without some kind of suffering. That's why it's crucial for us to learn to suffer well. Those who manage to grow through adversity do so by leaning on the pillars of meaning--and afterward, those pillars are even stronger in their lives.
21. The "work-and-spend" mentality that characterizes life today, as the author Gregg Easterbrook has written, alienates people from what really matters.
22. The cultures of meaning highlighted in this book use the four pillars to amplify positive values and goals. Their members recognize and respect the dignity of each individual. They promote virtues like kindness, compassion, and love rather than fear, hatred, and anger. They seek to lift others up, not to inflict harm on them. Rather than sowing the seeds of destruction and chaos, these cultures contribute positively to the world.
23. Older people who report having more purpose in life live longer than those who report having less. They have a reason to get out of bed in the morning--a reason, even, to go on living.
24. Having meaning in life, for example, has been associated with longevity, better immune functioning, and more gray matter in the brain. Purpose, in particular, has been shown to have a wide range of health benefits. It decreases the likelihood of mild cognitive impairments, Alzheimer's disease, and strokes. Among those who have heart disease, having purpose diminishes the chances of having a heart attack--and people who lack purpose are at higher risk for cardiovascular disease.
25. Contemplating death can actually help us, if we have the proper mindset, to lead more meaningful lives and to be at peace when our final moment on earth arrives.
26. No matter how near or far off death may be in each of our individual cases, thinking about death forces us to evaluate our lives as they are and to consider what we would change about them to make them more meaningful. Psychologists call this "the deathbed test." Imagine that you're at the end of your life. Perhaps a freak accident or diagnosis of disease had suddenly shortened your life, or maybe you have lived a long and healthy life, and are now in your eighties or nineties. Sitting on your deathbed, with only days ahead of you to live, reflecting on the way you have led your life and what you have done and not done, are you satisfied with what you see? Did you have a good and fulfilling life? Is it a life you are glad that you led? If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?
27. The act of love begins with the very definition of meaning: it begins by stepping outside of the self to connect with and contribute to something bigger.

Notes & Quotes: The Automatic Millionaire by David Bach

The following are my favorites notes from David Bach's The Automatic Millionaire: A Powerful One-Step Plan to Live and Finish Rich.

1. Every time you earn a dollar, you should make sure to pay yourself first.
2. They decided to toss the budget and instead take 10 percent of their pay out of their paychecks and put it in a savings account before they ever saw it or had a chance to spend it on anything.
3. You can't spend what you don't see.
4. You pay for your purchases with cash or you don't buy.
5. The problem is not how much we earn...it's how much we spend!
6. How much you earn has almost no bearing on whether or not you can and will build wealth.
7. If you are living paycheck to paycheck, spending everything you make, what you are really doing is running an unwinnable race. Here's what the race looks like: GO TO WORK...MAKE MONEY...SPEND MONEY...GO TO WORK...MAKE MONEY...SPEND MONEY...GO TO WORK...
8. When you spend everything you make (or, worse, spend more than you make), you subject yourself to a life of stress, fear, uncertainty, debt, and even worse -- bankruptcy and the threat of future poverty.
9. Is your income helping you become more or less free?
10. The so-called small things on which we waste money every day can add up in a hurry to life-changing amounts that ultimately can cost us our freedom.
11. I owe, I owe...it's off to work I go.
12. Start doing what the rich do -- you can get your money to work for you, instead of your working for it. 
13. The point is that whether you waste money on fancy coffee, bottled water, cigarettes, soft drinks, candy bars, fast food, or what it happens to be -- we all have a "Latte Factor." We all throw away too much of our hard-earned money on unnecessary "little" expenditures without realizing how much they can add up to. The sooner you figure out your Latte Factor -- that is, identify those unnecessary expenditures -- the sooner you start eliminating them. And the sooner you do that, the more extra money you'll be able to put aside. And the more money you can put aside, the larger the fortune you'll wind up amassing.
14. Becoming rich requires nothing more than committing and sticking to a systematic savings and investment plan.
15. Inspiration unused is merely entertainment. To get new results, you need to take new actions.
16. When it comes to money, you should control it. You should never let it control you.
17. When you boil it down, there are basically six routes to wealth in this country. You can:
1. Win it.
2. Marry it.
3. Inherit it.
4. Sue for it.
5. Budget for it. Or,
6. Pay yourself first.
18. You need to set up a system that guarantees you'll get paid -- a system in which you pay yourself first AUTOMATICALLY.
19. Last week, I worked a total of [x] hours. I earn $[y] an hour (before taxes). Last week, I put aside $[z] for my retirement. So last week, I worked [a] hours for myself.
20. According to the U.S. Department of Commerce, the average American saves well below 5 percent of what he or she earns. In other words, most of us work barely 22 minutes a day for ourselves.
21. Instead of thinking just about percentages of income, think about hours of your life.
22. The "Pay Yourself First" Formula:
1. Dead Broke: Don't pay yourself first. Spend more than you make. Borrow money on credit cards and carry debt you can't pay off.
2. Poor: Think about paying yourself first, but don't actually do it. Spend everything you make each month and save nothing. Keep telling yourself, "Someday..."
3. Middle Class: Pay yourself first 5 to 10 percent of your gross income.
4. Upper Middle Class: Pay yourself first 10 to 15 percent of your gross income.
5. Rich: Pay yourself first 15 to 20 percent of your gross income.
6. Rich Enough to Retire Early: Pay yourself first at least 20 percent of your gross income.
23. The single most important investment decision you ever make may well be how much to automatically pay yourself first into your retirement account.
24. Small business truly powers our economy; it's the engine that creates economic growth. Recognizing this, the government gives business owners the best tax breaks when it comes to retirement accounts.
25. If I've learned one true secret to being an investor who does well in both good times and bad, it is this: MANAGING YOUR MONEY SHOULD BE BORING! And the fact is that boring works.
26. Some people worry about change, while others prepare for it. 
27. In order to be a real Automatic Millionaire, I believe you need a cash cushtion of at least three months' worth of expenses.
28. You aren't really in the game of building wealth until you own some real estate.
29. So you want to be a millionaire? Like I said before, there are only three things you really need to do:
1. Decide to pay yourself first 10 percent of what you earn.
2. Make it automatic.
3. Buy a home and pay it off early.
30. There are five concrete steps you should take to get out of credit card debt and stay out.
1. Stop digging.
2. Renegotiate the interest rate on your debt.
3. Pay for the past; pay for the future.
4. DOLP your bad debt out of existence. (Pay off the smallest balance first.)
5. Make it automatic.
31. "We make a living by what we earn -- we make a life by what we give." Winston Churchill
32. Although you should give simply for the sake of giving, the reality is that abundance tends to flow back to those who give. The more you give, the more comes back to you. It is the flow of abundance that brings us more joy, more love, more wealth, and more meaning in our lives. Generally speaking, the more you give, the wealthier you feel. And it's not just a feeling. As strange as it may seem, the truth is that money often flows faster to those who give. Why? Because givers attract abundance into their lives rather than scarcity.
33. If it's so easy to become an Automatic Millionaire, why don't more people do it? The answer is human nature: Most people simply don't do the things they know they should do.

Notes & Quotes: Find the Good by Heather Lende

The following are my favorite quotes from Heather Lende's Find the Good: Unexpected Life Lessons from a Small-Town Obituary Writer.

1. What both halves of my heart-mind can agree on is that I am the one who chooses how to respond to the people and situations I encounter everyday.
2. Mimi knows that it's a mother's job to draw the lines but it's a grandmother's job to remind everyone in the family that sometimes you have to move them, and, more important, what the cost of holding those lines might be. 
3. Gratitude is at the heart of finding the good in this world -- especially in our relationships with the ones we love.
4. You never know when a card mailed today will be received, but someone will read it, sooner or later, and be thankful.
5. The secret to aging more cheerfully is to play like a child.
6. Isn't it always the ones who don't ask for your time and attention who receive it more willingly than those who clamor for it?
7. Jean Webster was right when she wrote, "The world is full of happiness, and plenty to go round, if you are only willing to take the kind that comes your way."
8. It seemed to me that everything she did, she did well. Not because she needed to be perfect but because it made her feel good to do a good job. If Hilma was cleaning the Laundromat floor, why not make it shine?
9. The life you imagine doesn't just happen while you are daydreaming about it on the drive across the country. It requires effort once you reach your destination.
10. Give yourself to love.
11. People don't gather after a death to mourn, but rather to reaffirm why life matters and to remember to exult in the only one we'll ever have. We hold funerals, memorials, celebrations -- whatever you want to call them -- to seek and to find the heart of the matter of this trip we call Life.
12. I want her to grow up to see beyond a person's appearance so that without prompting or proof, she'll assume the best, and discover that most people ahve a pretty good story behind their cover.
13. Here's what writing a lot of obituaries of older women, with the help of the younger women who were their caregivers (by birth, marriage, or friendship), has taught me: True love is above all reliable.
14. Find the good, praise the good, and do good, because you are still able to and because what moves your heart will remain long after you are gone and turn up in the most unexpected places, maybe even clutched tightly in the dirty little hand of a child running along an Alaskan beach. Everyone has heard of hearts turning to stone. But stones can turn into hearts, too. I know, because I've gratefully accepted those heart-shaped rocks, dusted them off, put them in my pocket, and carried them home.

Notes & Quotes: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck by John Kim

The following are my favorite quotes from John Kim's I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman's Guide to a Meaningful Life.

1. Being a man is a way of life; it's about everyday choices that lead you to live toward your potential.
2. The self is a fancy word for answering the question, Who are you? And the answer is created through action.
3. You will be doing only what feels good and easy in the moment, and that is my definition of a boy. Not a man.
4. I lived most of my life with a "to-me" mindset. Something happened to me. She dumped me. He took something from me. Life did something to me. Or nothing happened to me. When something happens to you, you're in victim mode -- the most powerless state.
5. You are a conduit, and something greater than you is working through you to project your unique gifts into the world.
6. When I play back my life, my douchery was the most prevalent when I felt the most insecure. Being a douche is like turning on a black light that exposes your insecurities.
7. Truly confident people don't need to prove anything. They focus on giving their value instead of announcing it. 
8. What if you didn't feel the need to prove anything? What would that look like in your everyday life? How would that change your dialogue, behavior, attitude and energy?
9. Focus less on outcomes. Instead, focus on the process. When we put all our chips on what we need to achieve, our ego is on the line. Because we tie our worth (ego) to our ability. We believe that if we don't accomplish -- close the deal, land the raise, get the girl, win the race -- we are diminished, "less than."
10. If you allow your purpose, the greater good, to be your true north, you will be less concerned about your problems and fears and more concerned about the kind of dent you can make. Always hang your purpose above your passion and your ego will fall in line, be checked. Your purpose not just in your work, but also as a father, brother, husband, and friend.
11. As men we have a responsibility for our own happiness. Whining and complaining only make a bad or difficult situation worse.
12. We must realize that our differences aren't what's lacking in us but rather are what makes us valuable.
13. Life is not about waiting. It's about seeking, discovering, learning, growing, and in this process producing joy. Because happy doesn't fall into our laps. We must produce it. 
14. Seek joy, always, in everything you do. It doesn't matter if you're doing the dishes, going on a date, or building an empire; this mindset will allow you to be open and aware, to unlock yourself so that you can unleash your gifts. The world needs you. You were meant to change it.
15. [On meditation] You just have to sit still and focus on your breath for fifteen minutes a day. But every... single... day. You must commit to it. Make it a priority. Because there's something at stake. The person you could be.
16. The best way to practice mindfulness is to hang it on an activity. When you're eating, don't inhale your food. Instead, chew slowly. Take in the taste, texture, color, smell -- use all your senses. Eat like it's your last meal. When you're working out, don't just focus on reps and weight. Be fully present by noticing your body and your connection to it: your breath, what hurts, what feels good. Notice the feeling of the weights in your hand, and challenge yourself to push through the discomfort. When you're kissing someone, let it be more than just a gateway to sex. Notice the softness of her lips, the shape, the energy, the dance. Kiss like it's your last time. Pick one activity to hang mindfulness on. Then build on it until mindfulness comes naturally as a way of life. The world will brighten.
17. Here are some things I do daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly to help myself appreciate the moment and get more mindful:
    Daily: Get up early. Notice the morning. Walk to a coffee shop, not drive, taking in the sky and trees. Journal. Write for me (not for work). Create a space for my thoughts, ideas, and feelings to swim.
    Weekly: Seek a sunset, sunrise, mountain, beach -- any form of nature. Take off my shoes and walk in the sand, on grass, dirt. Swim in the ocean. Connect to the earth.
    Monthly: Travel, even if it's to a different nearby city. See something I've never seen before. Taste something different. Meet new people. Do it with an open mind and curiosity, as if you're an alien visiting earth.
    Yearly: Do something that scares me. Maybe an activity like swimming with sharks in a cage or starting a new project. Try to take it in mindfully instead of panicking. Notice everything, and allow mindfulness to eclipse the fear.
18. Any opportunity you get to travel, just fucking take it. Life doesn't give us an invitation to go anywhere. We have to make it happen.
19. A well-traveled man is a wise man.
20. A man's diet is a direct reflection of his self-control, discipline, and how much he loves himself.
21. Cook meals like I'm cooking for someone, even if it's just me.
22. Laughter is life.
23. The difference between feeling good and feeling alive is fear. We are not afraid of things that make us feel good. A safe job, a comfortable relationship, twenty minutes on a treadmill. These things don't require much effort. We are not scared of them. But if you want to feel alive, there must be an element of fear. 
24. Good falls into our lap. Alive doesn't.
25. If you're content with good, content is all you'll ever be.
26. Boys have something to prove because they need approval. Men let their work speak for itself.
27. It's about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.
28. When we respond, we don't just deflect our pain or frustration. We understand it, which gives it less power. We we react, we are picking scabs. When we respond, we are applying ointment.
29. Men who can't admit when they are wrong are basically refusing to grow. In every relationship, if you're not growing together, you are growing apart. So if you won't admit it when you're wrong, it's just a matter of time before your partner feels as if she's outgrown you. Plain and simple.
30. Admitting when we are wrong isn't a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It takes courage to acknowledge our mistakes, defects, and shortcomings. Make "I was wrong" (or, if it's easier, "You were right") your new superpower.
31. Your house is your safe tree, your temple, and a direct reflection of what's happening inside. Keep it clean. Set the tone.
32. What you do doesn't determine your true value. Your value lives in your character and capacity. Your heart and your story.
33. "If you can't find something to live for, you best find something to die for." Tupac
34. Every man must ask himself two questions: First, Where am I going? And second, Who's coming with me? If he reverses the order, he will be going alone.
35. Worth is not something you believe. It's something you build.
36. It's not about how many times we fight. It's about how we fight. Fight fair. Understand before trying to be understood. And don't walk away.
37. Treat people in service -- valets, servers, bartenders, hosts -- extra kindly. Don't treat them like they are beneath you. They are making your life easier. The way you treat people in service is a direct reflection of your true character.
38. Do not exchange your truth for membership.

Notes & Quotes: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace

The following are my favorite quotes from Annie Grace's This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life.

1. If I can just make myself see the horror of how far I've fallen, maybe I can regain control. Next come the vows, my promises to myself to do things differently tomorrow. To fix this. Promises I never keep.
2. I want freedom. It's clear now that alcohol is taking more from me than it's giving. I want to make it small and irrelevant in my life rather than allowing it more power over me. I want change. I have to find another way. And I have.
3. It's as if I have woken up from the Matrix and realized that alcohol was only dulling my senses and keeping me trapped rather than adding to my life.
4. "We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea." C. JoyBell C.
5. Don't beat yourself up for anything you have struggled with in the past (including unsuccessful attempts to quit). It's counterproductive.
6. An inability to control how much you drink is not a sign of weakness. So let's stop any self-loathing right now.
7. Change often occurs when the pain of the current situation becomes so great you become willing to change without fully understanding what the future holds.
8. When we want something to change in our lives, we usually start with a conscious decision. However, drinking is no longer a fully conscious choice in your life. Therefore, when you make a conscious decision to drink less, it's almost impossible to adhere to that decision because your larger, more powerful unconscious mind missed the memo.
9. Without desire, there is no temptation. Without temptation, there is no addiction.
10. Your physical response when you drink alcohol is to want more. Alcohol hooks you through its addictive and dehydrating nature.
11. "Truth rests with the minority...because the minority is generally formed by those who really have an opinion." Soren Kierkegaard
12. A growing body of research suggests our unconscious minds cannot actually tell the difference between a real experience and a vividly imagined fake experience.
13. The obvious problem is that you can't know when you are in control. Nothing seems different, and in fact as humans we tend to feel in control until something significant shows us that we are not. Even then we will vehemently deny we have lost control.
14. "First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. F. Scott Fitzgerald
15. Recent neurological studies demonstrate that the brain changes in response to alcohol. These changes increase tolerance, diminish the pleasure derived from drinking, and affect the brain's ability to exercise self-control.
16. "The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken. Samuel Johnson
17. Our health is the single most important thing we have, and without it, nothing else matters.
18. Since alcohol is addictive, it has created an imperceptible craving for itself, which, when satisfied, gives him the perception of enjoyment.
19. I find it strange that, with thousands of beverages in existence, we only use this excuse with alcohol. We don't hear people claiming they drink Coke because it enhances the flavor of their hot dog. It strikes me, as a marketer, that this is a genius marketing tactic. If we can marry the product (alcohol) with the authentic pleasures of eating, we have a much higher chance of selling a glass of wine, at its incredible markup, every time we sell a steak.
20. When no one else is drinking you feel quite dumb standing around drinking something that is making you lose control of your faculties. If everyone is doing it, there must be good reasons -- it must not be that bad. It's amazing how far we will go to delude ourselves. Tell a lie long enough and convincingly enough, and even the liar will believe it. 
21. There is ten times the evidence to support the dangers of alcohol, yet it's the small fraction of the research supporting the benefits of drinking that is published and shared, often with the purported benefits taken out of context.
22. It won't surprise you that severe, chronic depression and heavy drinking are closely linked.
23. Just one bout of heavy drinking, meaning five drinks in two hours for men or four drinks in two hours for women, can cause permanent alterations in your nerve cells and reduce the size of your individual brain cells.
24. Your liver acts as your first line of defense. It breaks down the alcohol so that your body can rid itself of the poison as quickly as possible. When breaking down alcohol, your liver releases toxins and damaged liver cells into the bloodstream. These toxins are more dangerous to the brain than the alcohol itself. The toxins released into your brain are responsible for bad sleep, mood imbalance, personality changes (like violence or weeping), anxiety, depression, and shortened attention span, and they can result in coma and death.
25. Abstinence can help reverse the negative effects on thinking skills, memory, and attention. And over several months to a year structural brain changes have been shown to self-correct.
26. Binge drinking raises your likelihood of having a stroke by 39%
27. Alcohol causes or contributes to cancer in different ways. When your liver breaks down alcohol, it produces a toxic chemical called acetaldehyde. Acetalkdehyde damages your cells, rendering them incapable of repair and making them more vulnerable to cancer. Cirrhosis also leads to cancer. Alcohol increases some hormones, including estrogen, contributing to breast cancer risk. It also causes cancer by damaging DNA and stopping our cells from repairing this damage.
28. "The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage." Carrie Jones
29. The fear scales tipped against cigarettes when new research proved smoking causes lung cancer and takes thirty years off your life. Many people quit because their fear of dying from lung cancer outweighed their fear of a life without cigarettes.
30. Cowardice is when you do not act according to your moral compass, failing to do what you know to be right, because of your fear. In my experience, drinking to shut out life and avoid actual issues I knew I needed to deal with, was, without a doubt the act of a coward.
31. Humans are not satisfied with simply existing. We look for more. No other animal questions their purpose in life or how they fit into the universe. This is one of the remarkable features that makes us uniquely human. But this questioning often creates a void inside us. We have more questions than answers, which causes tension. We desire more. This affliction is often called "the wound of existence."
32. Generally, the more we consume the more we desire.
33. Existentialist psychotherapist Irvin D. Yalom identified what he calls humans' ultimate concerns: death, isolation (loneliness), freedom, and meaning.
34. The absolute best marketing firms on the globe, firms with psychologists and human behavior specialists on staff, are hired to create the ads. These marketers know that the most effective sale is an emotional sale, one that plays on your deepest fears, your ultimate concerns.
35. The reality, when the sexy advertisements have been stripped away, is that the actual product is ethanol. It is a horrible-tasting, addictive poison. So we sweeten it with sugar and flavoring or process it to make it more palatable. The product's product is inebriation, a gradual deadening of your senses until you become completely intoxicated. And the side effects that are never disclosed are many.
36. Would we allow cocaine to be advertised in the same way? Can you imagine a $12 million commercial playing during the Super Bowl, with millions of young minds watching, proclaiming how amazing their lives will become if they snort a few lines? Why do we see cocaine and alcohol so differently, especially when, in the United States, alcohol kills 241 people per day and cocaine kills only fifteen people per day? Why do we glamorize the benefits of drinking?
37. "Alcohol doesn't permit one to do things better but instead causes us to be less ashamed of doing things poorly." W. Osler
38. I am appalled by how many awful things I did under the influence. Addiction is humbling, and I have been humbled enough to know that I am capable of anything, no matter how abhorrent, if the circumstances are right. Anyone is.
39. The more you dwell on reasons not to drink, the more upset you feel when you abstain and the worse you feel when you give in to temptation.
40. "You cannot find peace by avoiding life." Virginia Woolf
41. Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it. It can even erase entire nights when you are on a binge. Alcohol does not relieve stress; it erases your senses and your ability to think. Alcohol ultimately erases your self.
42. Alcohol suppresses the release of glutamate, resulting in a slowdown along your brain's neural highways. You literally think more slowly. 
43. "No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path." Buddha
44. All addicts lie to themselves and others. They do this to protect themselves and minimize the internal trauma caused by their conflict of wills.
45. It's not that alcohol makes drinkers happy; it's that they are very unhappy without it. 
46. Scientists and doctors now agree that there is no such thing as an addictive personality.
47. Alcohol addiction is so scary that contemplation of suicide is 120 times more likely among adult alcoholics, with alcohol involved in a third of all suicides in the U.S.
48. "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." Rumi
49. Nothing says addicted more than trying to prove we're not.
50. You only struggled to make rational decisions about alcohol because your unconscious mind had been conditioned to believe lies about alcohol and because alcohol's addictive nature physically affected you. The key is to make a conscious decision to see alcohol in its true form. To allow yourself to see what it really is and smugly decide that it is the last thing you would ever want to put in your amazing body.
51. This is a journey, not a destination. It is a road that no one can walk but you. These are choices that no one can make but you. But know that by committing to a different future, no matter how many battles you have ahead of you, the war has already been won.